I used to shop in hypermarkets a lot. Most of the time it’s Tesco, but sometimes I go to Giant and Carrefour. Some of them are quite hazardous, the aisles are too close together, causing trolley congestions, accidents and flared tempers. No joke. There are trolley aisle hogs and trolley aisle bullies. Ever heard of trolley aisle rage? If not, here are some tips for Malaysian hypermarket shopping survival (Not applicable to Makro). When moving with trolley along the aisle, don’t come to a sudden halt. Somebody will bound to bump into you from the back. (This rule applies to pasar malam shopping, too) When moving around in the hypermarket…

Got tagged by inevitable, i’m so bored i’m actually going to do it… (Also, go read lilian‘s and wingz one, very far-nee lah!) Seven things you plan to do before you die: 1. Visit England. 2. Write a book. 3. Direct a movie. 4. Read a Kafka book. 5. Hotwire a car. 6. Tell off a few arrogant &%%*$&#s… 7. Travel around the world. Seven things I could do: 1. Sleep more. 2. Watch more TV. 3. Read more. 4. Be less tolerant to moronic drivers. 5. Be less tolerant to $&$^#$ telemarketers calling about credit cards and insurance. 6. Work less. 7. Travel more. Seven Celebrity crushes: 1. Sarah…

Here are some old TV advertisement clichés that were over-used when I was a kid. Heck, they could still be used today, I seldom watch local terrestrial TV anymore. Man in white lab coat entering people house and giving laundry tips to housewives. Toothpaste products that feature a giant-sized plastic tooth and a man with pointing stick explaining how fluoride and tooth decay work. Athletes running in super-s-l-o-w motion (and sweating buckets) and quenching their thirst with some isotonic drink they’re advertising. Health drink ad where this boy smashes a badminton shuttlecock at tips over the net, to which the crowd jumps up in ecstacy. Multi million ringgit cigarette ads…

Latin phrases. We see them everywhere these days. Sometimes we use them without knowing that they are actually from that dead language lawyers and doctors like to use. Don’t understand? No worries. Here is Simon’s explanation for some of the more popular ones people like to use. carpe diem – A dead fish. Pro bono – Fan of the Irish band U2. Ad hoc – Opposite of ‘subtract hoc’. Vice versa – a dirty poem. magna cum laude – You had no life while in university. ad nauseam – see ‘AP and Rafidah Aziz saga’. ad hominem – appealing to feelings rather than reason. As always used by fellow bloggers…

Again today you have to excuse Simon. He’s got a splitting headache from too many meetings. Top Ten Worst Things Your Doctor Can Say to You… “I won’t advise you to start watching any new mini-series on TV from now onwards…” “Trust me. My medical degree from Azerbaijan may not be recognized in Malaysia, but I have watched every episode of ‘ER’, ‘CSI’ and ‘Chicago Hope’.” “I really have no idea what’s wrong with you, but I can refer to a few specialist – Tok Guru Ayah Pin, Lilian Too, MD., and my own venerable sinseh…” “Take these pills everyday, if you want to. Or not, I don’t care. Whatever,…

I just heard Nirvana’s ‘Come As You Are‘ on the radio. Kurt Cobain and I has had an intriguing relationship, primarily because I grew up in a strong diet of hard rock and heavy metal. There is no doubt in my mind that Cobain is a musical visionary that has a special place in the history of contemporary music. But to put in a cruder form, he was at the right place and the right time. In 1991, when ‘Nevermind‘ was released, the heavy metal world was almost at a point of self destruction. The music had become trite and unimaginative, the newer bands emerging were finding it harder and…

Today you have to excuse Simon. He’s in self-imposed mourning over the weekend’s results. Plus he need to see the doctor in an hour’s time. Top Ten Signs Your EPL Team Isn’t Doing Too Well Your favourite team when you were a young is from Liverpool city. Unfortunately it isn’t Liverpool FC or Everton. You went to Manchester for a holiday, and visited the stadium on MAINE ROAD. Your team’s best player just won his first cap – for Azerbaijan. Come international match week, all your players are at the local pub watching the matches. Whenever you wear team’s away jersey, everyone thinks you’re the new office cleaning lady. Last…

Now that the National Day public holiday is over, it’s going to be long September. And October. Whoopee. Top Ten Things to Look Forward to in September (and October) More Chinese weddings. (Red card summons!) More badminton tournaments where Malaysians can succeed in reaching the semi-finals. And no further. Far too much of Donald Trump on TV than we want to see. A few EPL managers getting their arses fired. (“We’re not taking any more bets on Souness…”) Endless re-runs of Lost, CSI, 24 and Fear Factor on AXN. AP, Rafidah, MITI, Naza, AP, Rafidah, AP, Sky Kingdom, AP… Serena Williams competing in the US Open men’s women’s singles. More…

Wow, it was all over the soccer websites like Guardian Football and SoccerNet yesterday, and the subject of lunch time talk for English soccer fans all over Malaysia. Yes, England lost to Northern Ireland. Yes, Northen Ireland, probably the weakest Home International team in the British Isles. Sure, some may argue Scotland is worse, but it doesn’t really matter. England lost. England, with their galaxy of millionaire stars. Like Rooney. Beckham. Ferdinand. Lampard. Cole. Cole. Gerrard. This is tantamount to Man United losing to Exeter City. No really, it is. Northern Ireland won by 1-0, with a goal scored by David Healy. He plays for Leeds, a Championship side. Look,…

I was watching ‘Goals’ on ESPN just now and they were highlighting the goals from last week’s matches, when they showed the goals from Emile Heskey and Premiership journeyman Andy Cole. It then struck me that the two players at one time played for England, perhaps in a different climate of England soccer. There is usually only a maximum of 2 slots for the place of England strikers at time (plus 2 more reserves). Unless Eriksson gets anal retentive and plays 4-5-1. At the moment, there are a handful of players that are vying for the 2+2 places in the England squad – Michael Owen, Wayne Rooney, Jermaine Defoe, Alan…