The Small Cassette Tape

The other day my wife went to MV Doulos and came back with a couple of cassettes of children’s songs. “Three bucks only!!! So CHEAP!” (I’m assuming ‘three bucks’ here infers to RM3, not USD$3…)

Since it was SO CHEAP she even bought a few extra copies to be given to our friends who were expecting mothers. When PN got one, she said she didn’t have a cassette tape player. Except in her car, but as you all know, the 32nd law of Malaysian weather states clearly that:

“Don’t ever leave your cassettes in the car under the Malaysian sun or the tape inside will become like Maggi Mee and you can toss it in the rubbish bin. However, please confer law #33.”

Law #33 states:

“Nobody buys or listens to cassettes anymore, lah. Fix an MP3 player or CD changer in the car, lah. Now very cheap ma.”

(Making an extra copy of the tape to specially put in her car is too much hassle. She’d rather listen to her Discman or iPod. “Walkman”? What’s that?!)

Cassette tapes are hopeless, even though there are still billions of them in existence as we speak. Even in the 80’s when it was the primary medium of music, before the advent of the almighty CD, everyone went on and on about vinyl and how great and ‘authentic‘ it was. But not everyone had a gramophone or a turntable, so we all bought cassette tapes. When I started buying them, it cost RM9 each. Then it went up to RM10.50, then RM11.50. Now they probably cost RM3 for five.

Anyway, back in the old house, my mom and dad had drawers and drawers of cassettes (not to mention 8-track tapes and vinyls), my brother and I have even more.

Thank God for the guy who invented the CD.

Boys and girls, tomorrow’s lesson – the VHS Videotape: How it All Went Wrong (Optional credit – “History of Betamax”).

Technorati Tags: cassette tape, CD, discman, iPod, vinyl, Walkman, VHS, betamax, mp3, bittorent, Doulos

Form 5 SPM Physics? Er…

The other a friend asked me if I wanted to help her freelance to write and edit some reference books to be used in schools. Sure, I said, I’m always looking to add to my measly income.

What subject, I asked? I’m not very well-versed in brain surgery and rocket science, I joked.

No lah, she said. Form Five Physics, she said.

I say man. Form Five Physics, ah? Standard 2 English can or not? That one I very good lah.

“See Jane Run.”
“See Dick Run.”
“Run Jane, Run!”

See? That one I very good-lah, Form Five Physics I very difficult to kelentong*. By the way, what was Dick’s intentions to chase Jane, there? Is there some kind of sub-text subliminal message in those innocent primary school textbooks that escaped our young minds?

Anyways, I had to say no. I sucked at SPM Physics (although I had no idea how they gave me a freaking A2 for it). I have scant memories of those halcyon days in the smelly physics lab next to the pond where the Upper Six students drown their rats before dissection for Biology class…

Top Ten Things I Remember Learning From My Form Five Physics
(Please bear in mind SPM Physics would probably be a whole lot different from my time.)

• Teachers get annoyed if you keep stealing those nice circular ‘kertas turas’ (filter paper?) out of the lab every week.
• The ‘amali’ (practical) portion of your SPM (‘O’ levels) constitute 10% of your overall score. And if you score 0% by entirely screwing up the practical, you probably won’t stand a chance in hell to get an A1. And if I’m not mistaken, it was 40% objective questions and 50% subjective.
  (Sidenote: For us, the Physics ‘amali’ is the first portion of the SPM we took, long before the written exams took place. I didn’t actually screw anything up, but that didn’t stop me from getting an A2.)
• 9 out of every 10 dry cell battery they have in the lab is flat dead. Everytime we were suppose to do some experiment with the diodes and voltmeters and lightbulb, we had to test like 49 of the batteries to find the few that could still work. No wonder we all screwed up our practical during SPM.
• And all the time, it was Eveready batteries. Nobody heard of Duracell or Energizer. With the picture of the black cat jumping through some hoop or something like that. Once in awhile, we’d find some strange Japanese branded batteries, probably donated by my teacher after taking out of his TV remote control.
• Every week, without fail, some moron in my class would leave one of the ‘jam randik’ (timer clocks) running after leaving the lab. And my teacher would have to go and check everyone of them to find the one that is running.
• Brownian movement – the random movement of smoke particles colliding with air particles. I heard it again on ‘Battle of the Sexes’ on Mix.FM the other day.
• If you sleep at the back of the lab, the teacher can still see you from the front. Ask Azarin, my classmate. He gets caught every week.
• You can score A1 in your SPM Physics (or A2, for that matter), but that doesn’t mean you’ll be able to explain why the sky is blue when your kid asks you 12 years later…
• If you think Form 5 Physics is difficult – wait til you see Form 6 Physics…

*kelentong – I WOULD attempt to explain this word, but I doubt it’ll be as funny as it sounds.

(Sidenote: Does anyone know how to convert a .MKV file to .AVI? I googled it up and found this instruction to use mkvtoolnix and mkvetractgui but it doesn’t to work…)

Technorati Tags: Eveready, Duracell, Energizer, mkv, avi, physics, SPM, Form 5

Miss Universe? UNIVERSE?

I’m watching the prime time delayed telecast of the Miss Universe 2006 on Astro. I haven’t seen one of these pageants for like a million years, my mom used to watch them when I was a kid. She used to go ‘Wah, Miss US Virgin Islands also not bad ah?’ and ‘Eeyer, Miss China not pretty one…’)

Anyways, I have a few questions. I can understand ‘Miss World’ or ‘Miss Earth’ or ‘Miss Carlsberg Seedy Pub 2006’, but ‘Miss Universe’? Where’s Miss Jupiter? Miss Uranus? (I said ‘Uranus’, not ‘Your…’ never mind…). If you’re gonna say your competition is representative of the universe, at least the eight-legged translucent green bug species from Mercury to send their most beautiful hermaphrodite representative. Not forgetting the Klingon beauty queen. Yeah, that one will give Earth’s girls a good run for their money.

Speaking of which, when they were parading the 80-plus girls from all over the globe in their evening gowns or swimwear, I thought I saw Donald Trump salivating in the audience shopping for his next wife.

Anyway, the interview portion of the show is going to start soon. Excuse me while I start counting how many times I hear the phrases ‘world peace’ and ‘hungry children of the world’.

Technorati Tags: Donald Trump, Miss Universe, Klingon, Carlsberg

Dear Leading English Newspaper, We Want More Siti! NOW!

Dear Leading English Newspaper,

I am OUTRAGED. As a long time esteemed reader of your respectable newspaper, I want, no I DEMAND to know why there has NOT been any coverage on the FRONT PAGE of your hallowed newspaper for the past two days.

Yesterday, there was a fantastic write-up about that Datuk K’s ex-wife making claims to some of the Datuk’s house and property. Although i was over the moon the see you manage to dig out this fabulous piece investigative journalism, i am slightly disappointed that it only made the 4th page, not the FRONT PAGE. Plus, you did not give the exact details of the condo and property for us to hunt it down and stake it out to get a glimpse of our angel, Siti.

ANY news of Siti MUST be put on the FRONTPAGE, it’s your duty as a national English broadsheet – I don’t care if there are other ‘so-called’ more important news like tsunami in Java, or national sugar shortage, or stock market crash – I want Siti! I want to know about the 5-man designers making her dress that’s more expensive than my car, I wan’t to know when she says that her marriage is fated / destined / arranged in the stars / predicted by Joey Yap or anything like that. Even if MAS goes bankrupt it can appear on page 5 or later.

If on any particular day, Siti does not make any newsworthy press releases (God forbid that should happen), then i will settle for any coverage on Mawi, especially the details of his engagement break-off with his fiancee. A transcript (or better yet, camera phone video recording) of the negotiations between the parents will do nicely. Don’t forget, you’re the LEADING ENGLISH NEWSPAPER, not some piece of sensational tabloid like those others which are more concern with ‘real news’ or ‘social issues’.

Tomorrow, I had better see a printout of Siti Nurhaliza’s wedding guest list on YOUR FRONTPAGE or there’ll be another letter from me. And when are you guys to HEADLINE an interview with Datuk K’s kids? That stuff would be GOLD, man.

Yours sincerely,

Concerned Citizen

Technorati Tags: Siti, Siti Nurhaliza, siti, perkahwinan, Akademi Fantasia, Mawi, Datuk K

The Culture of Riding in Malaysian LRTs

I just took the LRT to work the other day. Usually, I drive, but I dropped off my car at the workshop to get the radiator fixed. Cost me RM900 (the repair, not the LRT ride), and I don’t want to talk about it. There goes my lunches for the next two months.

Anyway, I haven’t taken the train for almost a year now. I was mildly shocked to see how drab and poorly maintained was the station in PJ and the train itself, too. My friend PN says the air-conditioning breaks down frequently, resulting in near-sauna conditions.

But I’m not going to diss the LRT. Not in this post anyway. I used to take LRT and the MRT quite frequently, and am used to observing people on them. People don’t like other people staring at them, so you have to do something to pass the time in the train. Most of the time, they are either doing one of these things:

Staring out into the scenery (This doesn’t apply for the underground stretches of the line. It’s like, just black walls and darkness there, you know… Just like the ethereal void of our souls…)

This should only be done while sitting: Sleeping. And accidentally leaning into the person next to you, especially if it’s a pretty girl. Do not attempt to sleep while standing. Unless you plan on “creating a scene”.

Reading. Also preferably done while seated. Reading while standing is possible, but there is a certain skill to holding a 400-page Neil Gaiman novel in one hand (plus briefcase) without damaging the precious book’s spine. Also, be sure to be seen reading something respectable and cool. (I said ‘be seen reading’, meaning you don’t necessary to be actually reading to impress that aforesaid pretty girl next to you). Try some impressive sounding novel or scientific journal. Newspaper is also fine, but don’t let people see you reading “50 Petua Rahsia Keghairahan Seks Wanita” in the train.

Talking loudly. Especially if you’re travelling with a friend. If you’re talking loudly when there is no one with you, you’ll strangely find everyone giving you a lot of space around you. Even in a packed peak hour train.

Sending text messages on your phone. Especially if you have a freaking cool phone. Uncool if you’re still having a Nokia 3110.

Looking down at your shoes / at the floor. A surprising high number of people do this. It’s as if they’re expecting the Liquid Man from Terminator 2 to suddenly appear from the floor.

Listening to iPod / Walkman / iRiver / Discman. Just don’t bring your 12-battery boom box.

And stop trying to read your neighbour’s newspaper over his shoulder. Not even when he is reading “50 Petua Rahsia Keghairahan Seks Wanita”.

Technorati Tags: iPod, LRT, MRT, Neil Gaiman

And So Without Much Fanfare Its the Second Half

In case you didn’t notice, half a year has already passed us by. June 30 was the end of the first half of 2006, it’s now the third week of the July.

People always say that time flies when you’re having fun. That’s true. But it flies even faster when your chest deep in working every freaking day. Looking back to the first half of 2006, Chinese New Year seemed so long ago.

I went on a couple of trips early in the year – Penang and Ipoh with my friends and Singapore with my family. Regular readers (yes, all three of them) will remember them. June was predominantly preoccupied with that obscure sporting non-event (known in some circles as ‘World Cup’) and trying to keep awake at my desk in the hours in between.

I dunno. I kinda tired of work, and there aren’t any public holidays to look forward to except National Day. But I can see a few backdoor ways to get an un-gazetted public holiday:

• Haze causes KL City to be closed down for a week. Hey, from the looks of this year’s edition, it’s possible…

• Office shuts down overwhelming stench of rotting durian husks (and seeds) everywhere.

• Sugar shortage causes fructose-withdrawal syndrome among my staff. So office declares holiday for staff to go home and drink Glucolin. Or Ribena.

Okay, I’m not going anywhere with this top ten list. You know its not working when I mention Glucolin.

On another note, Pelf is participating in a blogathon in support of the Eden Handicap Service Centre. Visit their website, and if you can support them. Or at least pass it on.

The Great Malaysian Durian Season Is Upon Us Once Again

Apparently, durian is in season again.

If you can’t tell from the Chinese businessmen selling stacks of durian from their small lorries by the roadside, or the unmistakable smell wafting every lift / office pantry / supermarket / every street corner of Malaysia.

The durian is not only the king of Malaysian fruits (and what would be the queen? The chempedak? Nangka? Kedondong?), there isn’t another local fruit or foodstuff that clearly divides our masyarakat majmuk into two camps.

There are those who think it’s the greatest thing on earth, right next to sex and free goodie bags from IT fairs at PWTC.

And there are those who think it smells like roadkill and would rather eat the stuff they show on Fear Factor than to savour the durian.

Let me categorically say them I don’t like durians. I don’t hate it, I just don’t like eating it. It’s expensive, it’s heaty, it smells, it sticks to your fingers, it leaves the lingering smell in your belch (“BURP! Whoowah! Durian!”) and it’s a pain to open. You’d be surprised at the amount of time our local investors put in to invent that perfect durian opening device.

Yes, that’s it, I dislike the smell of durian from OTHER people. But anyway, coming back to the fruit.

Everyone is either one clan or the other, there are hardly any fence sitters. Local cartoons like to portray the Mat Salleh tourist as the horrified durian hater, usually seen fainting at the very sniff of the thorny fruit. And they usually also typical show the Malaysians squatting round the open fruit by the roadside eating the sticky fruit and burping that killer stench. (usually the toxicity of the smell is measured by the number of dead flies / grasshoppers / stray dogs killed by the noxious smell.)

Stereotypes aside, there are equally many Malaysians who like and don’t like durian. My auntie loves it (probably more than life itself). Come durian season, she spends all her husband’s pension and whatever mahjong winning on the caviar of her life – durian. It doesn’t matter if its D24 or 36DD. She doesn’t eat much else – it’s durian for lunch and dinner. Given a choice, she’d probably mix the yellow fleshy fruit in with her cornflakes and milk for breakfast. Yummy.

A few years ago she missed my wedding dinner because she fell sick from too much durian. I’m not sure if she did the made the aforementioned durian-cornflakes cocktail.

Wake me up when lychee season starts.

Technorati Tags: durian, Malaysia

Football Meme

My favourite German blogger Jay has tagged me with an interesting meme (actually he’s the ONLY German blogger I know. Does Angela Merkel have a blog? Or Heidi Klum? Want to recommend me some few good ones of your friends? Must be in English though.)

It’s a football-World Cup meme. I don’t know if it is supposed to be for THIS World Cup only, or can I include other past ones? In comparison, this WC was kind of forgettable for me, but I’ll try to answer the best I can…

Your Best worldcup experience?
This has got to be the Final of USA1994 between Brazil and Italy. It wasn’t a great game, but I had a blast watching it. I was in the early hours of the morning (I think it started at 2am), my friend Ray had a small TV set in my dorm room in uni. Four of us – me, Ray, Dave the Slayer and my then roommate Kiat were watching the match in the dead of the night… When Brazil won in the penalty, we went ballistic! Ray and Dave the Slayer were jumping and dancing like morons… If we’re talking about THIS world cup, I’d have to say watching Germany in the opening match against Costa Rica. It was exciting, and I was thinking that this was going to a fantastic tourney. But somehow the quality went a little downhill after that…

The best match?
I thought Ronaldinho’s performance when they snuffed out England in 2002 was something magical. In Germany2006, I think Argentina’s 6-0 demolition Serbia & Montenegro was good. What a waste for the Argies. My friend just said something about them ‘sek lui’ (on the take).

Most beautiful jersey?
Hmmm… I’m never been much of a jersey guy. But I thought the Italians’ jersey in USA 1994 was smart. They made it from tight poly-or-something material that make any shirt-pulling very visible to everyone (and especially those short-sighted referees). This year I think all the jerseys were forgettable. Maybe Argentina’s away jersey was the smartest.

Best beer during the worldcup?
I don’t booze during matches. In fact I don’t eat or drink anything. Strict diet, no snacking. Except coffee.

Most favorite player?
Again, no clear choices. But I always like Figo, although not necessarily Portugal. And Lehmann, a Gunner.

Best moment on TV?
That whole Rooney – Cristiano Ronaldo fiasco.

Worst moment on TV?
The headbutt. And that shameless Buffon threatening the linesman like a thug.

And now? Are you up for more soccer?
No, not really. I need to go off it.

Technorati Tags: football, world cup, germany, soccer, Brazil

How This Big Insurance Company Lost A Small Account With Poor Service

Some 2 weeks ago I received my car insurance renewal notice. It’s from this company (Let’s call them Insurance Company A) that did the coverage since when I got the car. I left it for a week or two, waiting for my credit card monthly cut-off date to pass so that I only have to pay at the end of following month (which is what I call an interest-free short term loan…).

So the other day when I wanted to renew the policy plus reduce the sum insured (old car), I dug out the renewal notice and called the agent who stamped her name and contact on the notice.

What followed were 2 different conversations with this agent, a Chinese lady. I’m not a stickler for politeness and good service, but this lady was just rude and uncouth. Throughout the two conversations, I felt like she wasn’t interested in me or my account at all – it was like talking to those arrogant hardware shop owners who isn’t really interested to do business with you.

A day later she faxed me a recalculation of my premium because I had asked for a reduction in the sum insured. It was a small table with items named ‘L.L.C.’ and ‘O.C.’ and a charge of RM110 and RM20 respectively. Only that the ‘L.L.C.’ and ‘O.C.’ were struck off without any explanation but still charged. Just like that. I’m thinking LLC doesn’t stand for Loo Lay Chong and O.C. isn’t that TV show.

Look, I’m not making a big deal about my money and my small, pitiful premium payment (to them, but it’s a big sum for me). I’m sure as an international insurance firm they handle thousands of cases like mine in Malaysia alone, and hundreds of cars more expensive than my house. But this kind of poor service and attitude gives them a bad name. At least tell me what on earth they are charging me for. So I called up this agent again.

“Oh,” she said, “the hundred and ten is for your road tax, and the RM20 is the runner fee for renewing it. Like that also you don’t know ah?”

Come on, man. Big corporation like yours, please don’t issue notices like a mamak shop issuing receipts for my itemized nasi kandar.

After the third call, I got fed up. I called up the insurance company B who handled my previous car. They had a call centre system, but as I remember they were extremely nice and helpful, especially last year when I made a claim for a huge accident.

Since it was a new policy for them, they immediately (yes, immediately) got an agent to call me back (unlike the earlier company, where I made all the calls…), this nice cheerful lady, who offered to come to my office to deliver the cover note and free gift.

Lesson learnt today – I’m sticking with company B. And I’m going to recommend them to any of my friends who are looking for insurers. And I’m going to rant about it in my blog. Good service goes a long way, even among small fries like me.

(Sidenote: Some of you might notice the new WP template. What do you think? I’m still testing and modifying, maybe some time next week I’ll try another one.)

Top Ten Post-World Cup Lines Still Heard Around Malaysian Coffeeshops

Most people still have that post world cup hangover. Sudah lah, over already man… money lost cannot get back lah. But seriously folks, I’m thinking it’s going to be a few more days before the hype dies down. Just in time for the EPL coffeeshop talk to start.

Top Ten Post-World Cup Lines Still Heard Around Malaysian Coffeeshops

• “See? I was right! I TOLD YOU Italy was going to win, right? Remember I told you that day don’t know when? I remember I told you Italy was going to win…!”

• “You know what, Joe? Yesterday my girlfriend blew her top off when I forgot her surname… I mean, Joe, you understand, right, Joe? This past one World Cup punya hal I very stress lah…”

• “Hutang?! WHEN did I bet Germany vs. Costa Rica with you?!! I don’t remember one!”

• “Look, let me explain again… when a striker starts running to receive a pass from his teammate, there must be at least 2 players from the other team between him and the goal… Until now you still don’t understand the offside rule kah…?”

• ”You know Joe, this morning I felt very strange lah. For the first time in one month I actually slept through the night… I didn’t automatically wake up at 2:58am… very strange, hor?”

• ”Yesterday, I was looking at my boss’ face during the staff meeting, then it struck me… after working with him for 4 years, I suddenly realize how much he looks like Zinedane Zidane…”

• ”Okay, let’s see, the Italy-Australia match, you lost RM20 to me, the Brazil-France match one, I still owe you RM35 for the bet, then your semifinal bet you still haven’t pay me yet, so contra off everything… (does Standard 2 mathematics on paper napkin), I say Joe, we don’t owe each other anything lah…”

• ”Eh, you know what? That night at Mamak Syed Bistro, during the live telecast of the England match ah, you know who I saw or not?! Erra Fazira, you know!!! Some more with this guy wearing Beckham jersey, very action lah… NOT Yusry KRU, you know!!!”

• Aiyo, that day I was at the shopping centre, I saw that Adidas teamgeist official World Cup football, I thought I wanted to buy one to put in my room… Guess how much it costs?!!!”