Top Ten Excuses For Not Buying a Valentine’s Day Present

Right. Only less than a few days to the big V-Day. If you’ve got a present for your loved one, well and good. If not, well, now’s a pretty darn good time to start panicking. Seriously. But just in case as of February 14th evening, you still haven’t got a small package wrapped in either pink or red, well then, here’s some excuses.

But of course use only as a last resort. And don’t use the same excuse for 5 years running.

Top Ten Excuses For Not Buying a Valentine’s Day Present

• Look, you know I don’t believe in all this crass commercialism and superficial American consumerism. I’d thought our love was NOT as shallow as that, right? (This is the ‘moral higher ground’ excuse. To use with a holier-than-thou look on your facing when delivering this line…)

• What did I get you for [tag]Valentine’s Day[/tag]? It’s a fantastic gift that money can’t buy, I’m sure you’ll love it… Are you ready? It’s a beautiful day of sunshine, just for you! Good, eh? (Well, you’ve gotta admit, takes a lot of cheek to pull this one off.)

• I wanted to buy you this huge bouquet of beautiful red roses, but then I thought to myself, ‘do you REALLY want a Valentine’s Day gift’? I mean, in less than a week, they will be dead and brown and scattered all over your floor… so I bought you this magnificent stapler shaped like Hello Kitty.

• Remember the box of chocolates I bought you for Christmas? Actually, I meant to tell you that it was for both Christmas and Valentine’s, combined. Economic slowdown, you understand. (Ooh, this one is risky. But worth a shot. But only works if you ACTUALLY bought her that box of chocolates last Christmas…)

• Oh, you didn’t know? It’s my family tradition to celebrate February 15th, not the 14th. It’s been practiced for a few generations… (buys you an additional 24 hours of time. Failing which, refer to any of the other 9 excuses listed here)

• I refuse to buy you another Valentine’s Day gift until you start wearing that beautiful fluorescent purple and green turtleneck sweater I bought for you LAST year. (“What? Who says you look like Barney the Purple dinosaur…?”)

• Whoa, Valentine’s Day is TODAY?! (Okay, fine, this is an awful one. )

• I bought you this beautiful pair of ear-rings, but my dog Fido swallowed it… (gives a new twist to the ‘dog-ate-my-homework’ routine)

• You know I can’t get you a gift this, and the next. I saving money to buy you that diamond ring, remember… (use this one with caution… absolute last resort. )

• I forgot…