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Top Ten Signs Your Boyfriend is Actually Psychopath Murderer

Published by simon on October 24, 2005

These days there are too many nutjobs and gila people out there, so it’s always good to be extra cautious. You never know your best friend or boyfriend, who is always so mild mannered, soft spoken, drinks Cherry Coke can be a secret maniacal serial murderer…

Top Ten Signs Your Boyfriend is Actually Psychopath Murderer

  • He watches House, Medical Investigation, CSI, CSI:Miami, CSI:Bukit Lanjan religiously every week. And takes notes.

  • Every morning at 4a.m. he has to stand out in the cornfields for two hours “to communicate with the mothership”.

  • His dog is named Charlie Manson.

  • He eats meat curry everyday. Chicken meat curry, mutton curry, beef curry, exotic meat curry, you get the picture. (Wait, a minute, how ‘exotic’ is ‘exotic’…?)

  • He has a king-sized freezer in his basement. And it’s not for beer either.

  • He buys laboratory supplies like formaldehyde, chloroform, rubber gloves and scalpels by the boxes.

  • Everything he chops chicken meat for dinner, he screams, “Die, you piece of meat, DIE! MUAHAHAHAHAR! ”

  • There are so many of knives, cleavers and swords in his closet that it his house actually attracts lightning during thunderstorms.

  • At every meal time, he’ll say, “your cooking is to die for”.

  • He is a active voting, card-carrying member of the Malaysian Society of Psychopathic Murderers and Sociopaths, or MASOPAMS.
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Comments (14)
  1. rascher Said,

    Haha! Ingenious.

  2. narrowband Said,

    Exotic: Something unusual. Humans, and erm… Malayan Tigers?

  3. lucia Said,

    what about he having a dead tiger in his freezer and deny he knows it is there?

  4. Zara's mama Said,

    *chew on finger nails*
    it takes one to know one?

  5. Lian Said,

    I presume there will be one on girls as well. Girls are more subtle but more vicious as well. That’s why guys should not engage in adultery. Hehehe.

  6. belacans Said,

    simon, masopams no fun one ler. come, join Laubeh Inc better :P

  7. simon Said,

    rascher - just what we read in the papers!

    narrowband & lucia - dead tiger slightly better than dead body…!

    zara’s mama - (*sharpening axe*) yes…

    lian - damn right there’ll be one, coming tomorrow!

    belacans - how to join one? must got interbiu aa?

  8. mahagurusia Said,

    Simon, ur scaring us! Please tell us, that you are not describing yourself!! :)

  9. hcfoo Said,

    Simon, I really believe that you are an Oprah, aren’t u? She usually have this type of topic in her show.

  10. zyrin Said,

    –At every meal time, he’ll say, “your cooking is to die for”–

    perfect excuse for me to NOT COOK for my boyfy then… when I get one…

  11. hcfoo Said,

    I mean an Oprah fan..

  12. simon Said,

    mahagurusia - bwahahaha… (evil laugh)

    Oprah - eh no la. i watch epl ma…

    zyrin - better than he say ‘you’re cooking is killing me…’, kan?!

  13. Pat Said,

    In real life Simon is a gentle giant who wouldn’t hurt an ant, he’s just watched too many bad horror shows this year! :)

  14. lilian Said,

    One Sign Your Blogger is Actually Psychopath Murderer:

    He can write top ten signs of :
    Top Ten Signs Your Boyfriend is Actually Psychopath Murderer

    very well.

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