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Top Ten Ways To Break Up with your Boyfriend/Girlfriend

October 21, 2005

Please Note: Simon is NOT speaking from EXPERIENCE. He just watches too much TV.

Top Ten Ways To Break Up with your Boyfriend/Girlfriend

  • “You know people tend to change when their relationships grows over time…? Well, in the 4 days we’ve been going out…”

  • “Kyle, at first I thought it was cool that we both like Tom Cruise and the Backstreet Boys. But after I found out about your obsession with the Village People and Freddie Mercury, I started getting worried…”

  • “I read you blog today, Joe. How can you say that? It’s over between us.”

  • “Look, Sarah, at first I thought me dressing up as Jabba the Hutt and you as Princess Leia in the gold bikini was kind of exciting, but making me wear this rubber suit the whole day gives me second thoughts about your Star Wars fetish and our relationship.”

  • “Danny, you’re 29 years old, and you watch Bob the Builder all day… and last night during dinner with my parents, the last straw came when you called my Dad ‘Barney the Purple Dinosaur‘.”

  • “No, I have nothing personal against this cult you’re in. I was OK with your daily goat slaughtering, I was still fine with the naked dance around the fire at midnight. I didn’t even say anything when you donated all your money to the High Priest. But when you ask me to be your virgin sacrifice, I had to draw the line…”

  • “For the millionth time… My name is JOANNE, and STOP CALLING ME RINOA!!! And for the 10 millionth time, I WILL NOT CALL YOU SQUALL LEONHEART EITHER!!! And for God’s sake, PUT DOWN THAT GUNBLADE!!!”

  • “If you can’t beat me at DOTA, you can’t be my boyfriend anymore, Andrew. I love you, but rules are rules.”

  • “Gee, you can’t even fix a toaster? My ex-boyfriend Gary was so good at fixing stuff, he rewired my washing machine, overhauled my Kelisa. One time Gary even re-tiled by dad’s roof by himself! Wow, I miss Gary…”

  • “Look Michelle, we’re very incompatible. I’m a professional webmaster, multiple forum moderator, an PHP expert, I own 3 blogs with 15,000 visits every day and 4,000 incoming links. I make USD$300 per week on Adsense and Chitika. You’re just a noob blogger with pagerank zero… It’s just not meant to be…”

47 Comments

  • Orochimaru

    October 21, 2005 at 10:20 am Reply

    ha ha ha… I always a big fan to your blog. Especially when you writing something like this top 10.
    “For the millionth time… My name is JOANNE, and STOP CALLING ME RINOA!!! And for the 10 millionth time, I WILL NOT CALL YOU SQUALL LEONHEART EITHER!!! And for God’s sake, PUT DOWN THAT GUNBLADE!!!”
    I’m a freakly huge Final Fantasy fan!!!

  • anjali*

    October 21, 2005 at 10:39 am Reply

    Chewbacca, it’s not you…it’s your ticks! And the doc said if I cough hairball for the 2355th time, I may need lung replacement.

    Batman, I can’t stand the fact your turn me on so high and then you leave me cold suddenly. Damn it, it’s my headlights you turned on, you ass!!!

    Superman, my mum said I should not go out with a men who wears his undies inside out. And La Senza won’t accept me as their member!

    Heh. 🙂

  • Din

    October 21, 2005 at 11:21 am Reply

    This one unrelated to your post. Simon ah, you notice many people are doing Top 10s too? 8555 did it. Narrowband did it. Even Wingz jus did one. And you were mentioned in all of them! Any comments? Or are you going to do a ‘Top 10 reasons to do a Top 10’? heheheheheh…

  • simon

    October 21, 2005 at 12:11 pm Reply

    nicktay – really? what did you say about them?!

    mahagurusia – no, but this is my 5th cup of coffee…

    shan – but when they say that, trust me, they mean “you”.

    ariel – so, therefore, must be de careful when blogging…!

    wingz – you oso ah?!

    orochimaru – me big fan too, as you can tell… wanted to do it about FF7, but i suppose FF8 is far more popular.

    anjali – whoa, easy there, did i just open the floodgates…?

    din – yeah i know. maybe i should do a top ten list of top tens not by me!

  • narrowband

    October 21, 2005 at 8:53 pm Reply

    I foresee that “top 10 of top 10-ers” list coming… #-o.

    Read once online, some dude complained that one night when he and his chick were lost in some erotic passion, his chick called out her ex’s name in between moans.

    He added that he didn’t know what to feel or do – but got turned off. Added that they later reconciled and he forgave and forget cuz he loved her.

    Reckon I’d dump my chick there and then if I were him!

  • quo

    October 26, 2005 at 1:24 pm Reply

    I wish i have read this before. I just came from a break up and it did not end well. I guess that was a natural scenario, which resulted to endless bitterness. Things could have been easy, but what can I do now.

  • simon

    October 26, 2005 at 3:41 pm Reply

    villager – hehe. your gf member of cult aa?

    narrowband – i think you just described the meaning of the phrase ‘potong stim’!

    zero – 5 days a week, here, man!

    lilian – ish, got nine other top10 bloggers aah?

    jayelle – “eee, kenapa jolene ketawa sorang-sorang tu?”

    alex – in a word, ego. :p

    bawang merah – 🙂

    totoro – huh? very deep la…?

    cyber-red – wahahahahhhhaaa… reta breaks the hearts of thousands of l33t haxxor out there…

    quo – i don’t think it would have been any easier if you had used the above reasons! 🙂

  • __earth

    October 26, 2005 at 6:21 pm Reply

    “Look Michelle, we’re very incompatible. I’m a professional webmaster, multiple forum moderator, an PHP expert, I own 3 blogs with 15,000 visits every day and 4,000 incoming links. I make USD$300 per week on Adsense and Chitika. You’re just a noob blogger with pagerank zero… It’s just not meant to be…”

    LOL! Antara dua darjat!

  • zac efron

    October 5, 2006 at 6:05 am Reply

    hey ok well me and ashley tisdale were going out for awhile but then it went to hell she was a lesbian and i was NO WAY and she like YES WAY so then we were all like omfg ash wats ur beef its hott but i want u and then she was like zac omg ur hott but its not gonna work out u dont have the parts i want and i was like wat parts to u want and she was like my parts and i like

  • zac efron

    October 5, 2006 at 6:08 am Reply

    hey ok well me and ashley tisdale were going out for awhile but then it went to hell she was a lesbian and i was NO WAY and she like YES WAY so then we were all like omfg ash wats ur beef its hott but i want u and then she was like zac omg ur hott but its not gonna work out u dont have the parts i want and i was like wat parts to u want and she was like my parts and i like oh baby and she was like im sry but its through and i was like w/e as long as i can watch u and ur gf and she was like ZAC! but wat should i do to win her back??

  • nameless

    December 22, 2006 at 2:31 am Reply

    WELL IF ANYONE CAN ANSWER THIS WELL I NHAVE A BOYFRIEND AND HE REALLY LIKES ME BUT I DONT LIKE HIM AS MUCH AS HE LIKES ME AND I REALLY WANT TO BREAK UP WITH HIM BUT I DONT WANT TO HURT HIM WHAT SHOULD I DO PLEASE HELP I AM SO UPSET ABOUT ALL OF THIS AND IF YOU CAN PLEASE HURRY IT IS IMPORTANT

  • laura

    April 10, 2007 at 12:25 am Reply

    know what how about:
    I’m sorry about what I an gonna say but we can’t be toguether no more????\
    Ofcource there is no perfect way to dump someone that likes you cause they still gonna det hurt no mattet what…What do u thinK??

  • rhiannon

    August 23, 2007 at 2:12 am Reply

    ok, i have a boyfriend and i really like him,………but he never talks to me or anything…..i call him and he says “gotta go, bye” and HE’S the one who asked me out!!!!i’m nit sure if i should break up with him or not……..help!

  • ALICIA

    September 27, 2007 at 7:47 pm Reply

    i have been with this guy for about a week and he says he already loves me and he does stupid stuff to impress other’s to include me and i feel like he is not the same guy i fell in love with i dont know what to do i want to break up with him but i dont know how to i have never broken up before i have always been dummped or had a friend do it for me but none of my friends want to help me this time they want me to do it on my own what do i do?????

  • alex (:

    December 9, 2008 at 12:21 am Reply

    oh my gosh alicia! a guy cant fall in love in a week
    thats crazy… he probably just thinks he loves you. you should jsut drop him like its hot

    tell him that you dont feel the same way anymore like you used to
    and maybe you guys can be friends

  • alex (:

    December 9, 2008 at 12:23 am Reply

    i think to all the people here that don’t know what to do about the “hurting them thing” should not worry about that

    its gonna hurt them either way. it will just hurt more if you wait

    i just got over a break up and he wanted to get back together. but i was like “why would you want to go through all that pain again? i know i dont”
    so yea. ha

  • Jessica

    June 26, 2009 at 9:30 am Reply

    Ok I have this boyfriend he really likes me but when i am not with him i think should i still go out with him but when i am with him i say what was i thinking about breaking up with him
    so i dont know what to do

    will you help me figure it out.

  • Jessica

    June 26, 2009 at 9:34 am Reply

    Nameless, just go up to him and say well do you know how long we have been going out, well sence then I have started to like somebody else so i think that this is it.

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