The EPL season will start soon. For those of you who hate footie, good luck surviving the media blanket the next 9 months. For who have no idea of what it’s all about, have no fear, Simon is here to explain it to you.
Here’s a good guide to the intricacies of English football:
Why is it called the English Premier League?
Because there is only one or two English player in every team. The rest are Spanish, Latin Americans, Australians, South Koreans, French, Germans, Dutchmen and a few Scotsmen and Irishmen. That and the fact that it’s played in England.
How many teams are in the EPL?
Three. Manure, Arse-nal, and Chelski. There are 17 other backmarkers, but they are not important.
How many domestic trophies are there at stake?
For EPL teams, there is only two that matters, the League title, and the FA Cup. There is another one League Cup, but that’s for losers who can’t win the first two.
What about the European competitions?
There top one is the Champions League formerly known as the European Cup (which is neither a Cup nor a league). Most of the time, some lame ass team wins it, like Porto and Borussia Dortmund (look, I said MOST of the time, ok, reds?) Then there’s the UEFA Cup, Inter-toto Cup (NOT sponsored by Vincent Tan), SuperCup and a few other boring midweek trophies.
Who or what are Scousers?
Heheh…. I know a few damn funny jokes, but I won’t repeat them here…
What do you mean when they say ‘relegated’?
The three teams that end up at the bottom of the league get relegated to the obscurity of drinking Coca Cola. This season it will most like be West Ham, Wigan and Sunderland. No offence, but statistics say so.
What happened to Proton? Aren’t they involved in the EPL?
They were. They sponsored Norwich, who were in the EPL last season. They dared to dare, but unfortunately, they failed miserably. Just like on Jeremy Clarkson’s Top Gear.
How does the Malaysian Super League compare to the English Premier League?
The Malaysian What?
Who is this Jose Mourinho I keep hearing about?
I’ve no idea. Isn’t he that one of the annoying drags on ‘Queer Eye for the Straight Guy’?
17 Comments
belacans
ahh, i am so enlightened now abt engrish plemier lig 😉
Wingz
How does the Malaysian Super League compare to the English Premier League?
The Malaysian What?
THE MALAYSIA LICKS !
mahagurusia
mali, mali, place bet with me! hohoho
Sashi
Hahah.. just because the Gunners have never won the Champions Lge, you decide to rubbish the competition? Tsk tsk… 😉
simon
belacan – next time simon do fomula wan aa?
wingz – 🙂
mahagurusia – what are your odds? can block-bet aa?
sashi – i actually like the competition, but the format is really weird now isn’t it?!!
HCFoo
Oh come on…Jose Mourinho is one great coach. He has proven himself over and over. And he is good looking too!
mahagurusia
Simon, deposit $1000 into my account and you can do all the talking you want. 🙂
schalke04 boleh!!!
Eh apa macam my link noy appearing in you blog roll, tak pass ah? erhm
simon
hcfoo – ‘good-looking’? uh, ok….
mahagurusia – done! check it out!
Boone
Yes, the football season starts again. So, let’s begin the debate (and open the can of worms); who’s gonna get FOURTH place?
Inevitable
Arsenal are good … when they are attacking. The back 4 suck last season. I am a Reds fan but I do enjoy it when Arsenal is on full charge attacking.
Mourinho is cocky but he proved his critics.
I predict Manure for fourth place …
simon
boone – yep gonna be a long season of bitching about Roman’s $$$.
inevitable – contact mahagurusia to place your bets…
keng
Q: how many teams are….
this is going to insult so many ppl… me for example, the fan of “kolam merah”. Well, we’ll see! 🙂
simon
keng, you know what, i’ll be glad if liverpool can break the 3-team monopoly, especially at Mourinho’s expense!
Isn’t it suppose to be ‘kolam hati’?
grace@work
First off, I greet a fellow Gunner fan. I have been an Arsenal supporter since their double in 71.
Next I really like the new feel of your blog. Really classy. (Er.. too classy?)
Third, I am glad that your blog is humour driven. You take many things seriously but not yourself. That is healthy. (I will be willing to put this in writing for your wife for a small fee.)
Fourth, thanks for the link on your blog site though my site is not really a blog. Mucho gracias. 🙂
Grace@Work
simon
grace@work,
too bad i wasn’t even born when Frank McLintock lifted the double in 1971, but i’ve been drawn to them since i watched them in 1980.
i’ve been visiting your site for some time now, since it comes highliy recommended by Sivin and many other brothers and sisters, it is an honour to link to a site like grace@work.
about the layout, i’m not particular about designs, so long everything is clear and easy to read w/o jangly colors… maybe i’ll do some more interior decorations…
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ballz
Hey.. look like your relegation prediction is wrong.. West ham and wigan are now both in the top 10! you suck!