Back in the day when snooker was the craze in Malaysia, I played quite a bit. This was when they showed that Pot Black series on TV and every urban street corner had a snooker centre or ‘pusat rekreasi’. These snooker centres were all the same, dark, smoky, smell of cheap cigarettes and smelly toilets, and patronized by mat rocks, small-time gangsters, off duty taxi drivers, schoolkids playing hooky and slackers like my friends & me. Some played real snooker, some played billiards (hardcore snooker kakis regard it as a game for sissies) and the gamblers played lucky ball. My friends said I had a knack for it; I loved…

Top Ten Things You DON’T Want to Hear in a Crowded Elevator by Simon (who thankfully, works at the ground floor): “OK, good. This elevator doesn’t have a camera.” “The walls are closing in… This is the end…” “Say, how do you un-jam this pistol?” “You want to know what happens in the last scene of Revenge of the Sith?” “Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in…” “OK, boys, remember your Al-Qaeda training…” “Oh, silly me, I accidentally pressed the buttons to all 40 floors!” “I hope everybody here has had chicken pox before!” “Sir, are you interested in our free Gold Credit Card?” “Mummy, I need to go, NOW!” Back…

I know many girls in the 23 to 30 years old marrying-age category. Living away from home in the city, working a first job and/or studying part time. All of them are looking for that special guy to be their boyfriend, the Mr. Right, so to speak. But the problem is that there are too many guys out there, some are great; some are not. As a guide to all my girl pals, here’s a list what you’ll probably find out there…:(Disclaimer: Before i get any spam from girls who say their boyfriends are like Brad Pitt and Bill Gates rolled into one, these are SOME of the types available,…

Right, here’s my theory:Season One = Kelly Clarkson = White GalSeason Two = Ruben Studdard = Black GuySeason Three = Fantasia Barrino = Black Gal Season Four = WHITE GUY = BO BICE !!!Get it?Look, I can’t prove that the producers may have a hand in decided the results of the show in any way, but all I’m saying is that they there isn’t anything they wouldn’t do for the sake of ratings. Let’s just say they would rather not alienate any particular segment (of race, sex, colour, religion) or of the voting public, if they had their way (and they do…)And I’m not saying that America is entirely a…

Ah, darn it. Just found out yesterday Shan is quitting her blog. There goes another decent, honest blog that I like. I must say that in the Malaysian blogosphere, this is something REALLY hard to find. I can understand the problem that lead to the closure, just like the rest of us she was a victim of uncontrollable circumstances. But I guess most of the time we have to live with the consequences of decisions beyond our control. That’s the part sometimes really makes me menyampah. In nature there are neither rewards nor punishment – there are consequences.Robert G. Ingersoll I hope one day you’ll start blogging again (maybe anonymously)…

Top Ten Malaysian Secret Conspiracy Theories by Simon (who may not be who he actually say he is): The Petronas Twin Towers was initially planned to be the Triple Towers, it was not until after completion they realized the construction plans were partially torn off. The National Service is only a cover for a gomen operation aimed at brainwashing Malaysian youths into efficient killing machines. If you travel along the Middle Ring Road II (MRR2) at midnight over long periods, evil spirits will carry your car back to where you started. If you look carefully at the old one ringgit note from the 70’s, you can see a partially hidden…

Yikes!!! Ive been sucked in to this. I’ve just been tagged …. by a llama-rider…What follows is a list of different occupations.The reader must select at least five of them.The reader may add more if they like to the list before they pass it on (after the reader select five of the items as it was passed to the reader).Of the five selected, the reader is to finish each phrase with what he would do as a member of that profession. Then pass it on to three other bloggers. Here’s that list: (My additions are in bold) : If [Reader] could be a scientist // If [Reader] could be a…

Top Ten Signs Traffic in KL is Getting Worse by Simon (tomorrow I’ll start blogging during traffic jams): New Perodua Myvi comes with detachable urinal. SPRINT highway is renamed SPRAINED. The name KESAS is rearranged to spell SESAK. Office workers start eating breakfast AND morning tea on their way to work… Too many inane blogs about how KL traffic is getting worse. People in Bangkok start referring to KL as ‘the world’s biggest carpark’… Priscilla Patrick is now a famous Malaysian celebrity. Air-Asia introduces 8am PJ to KL flights. The countdown timers on the red traffic lights has THREE digits… Gomen start erecting large TV screens for drivers’ entertainment during…

Further to my blog yesterday, I seem to have remembered a few more forgotten Malaysian fads: Mosquito rackets – my mom bought these from China before it was sold locally, they were so fun to play with (especially stunning your friends with it). Then everyone had one, they came with double ‘netting’ and even square rackets. In the evening I’d always go to the laundry basket in the dark corner, give it a slight nudge, and swipe all the unsuspecting mosquitoes, until I could smell the smoke. Makes you feel like a jedi master… Anti-radiation stickers for handphones – someone game me these for my old Ericsson. You’re supposed to…

Top Ten Reasons for Not Attending NS by Simon (who by the way, is sadly ineligible for NS): “I was in Mindanao for 3 months attending military training camp for Al-Qaeda.” “My religion forbids me from wearing ugly blue uniforms.” “I thought Daddy’s ‘connections’ took care of this ‘problem’ for me…?” “I can’t miss my favourite ‘Telenovela Latin Amerika’ at 4pm everyday…” “What National Service? I thought only Singaporeans have that!” “I’m not at liberty to give any comments at this juncture. Please speak to my lawyer.” “Why? is Malaysia at war with Brunei?” “No machine gun-lah, cannot fly F-14-lah, no actual hand-to-hand training one, what kind of ‘National Service’…