Since the world didn’t end today as predicted by Nostradamus, I’m taking a break from satirical or humour blogs. Yesterday on the way back from shopping I decided to go and check out the new Chevrolet Sparks and Optra5. I’m not at all interested in buying a car, let alone a Daewoo-pretending-to-be-an-American Chevrolet, but I just like to look at new cars in showrooms and make life difficult for those over-enthusiastic sales people. Turning into side road, I saw a banner for the Toyota Innova (Kijang) at Toyota showroom, which was 2 doors away from the Chevvy place. Entering the large hall, I there wasn’t an Innova in sight, just…

Top Ten Things To Do On Saturday Nights Now that the EPL is Over by Simon (who, by the way, used to play left-back for Arsenal back in ’82): Wander around aimlessly from one mamak to another mumbling to yourself, “My beloved Tottenham should have won it! We were robbed of the title! Jol is better than Shankly, he’s a legend…!” Try to remember back your wife/girlfriend/children’s names. Time to get off your lazy bum and go play some REAL football / futsal for a change! Who says the season is over? You still watch (and re-watch) your vast collection of videotaped matches… (and bore your friends with your tedious…

Yes, I am crying, although I am a man. But has not a man eyes? Has not a man hands, limbs, heart, thoughts and passions Does he not live by the same food, is he not wounded by the same weapons, warmed and cooled by the same summer and winter as a woman? If you prick us do we not bleed? If you tickle us do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die? Why should a man be forbidden to Complain, or a soldier to weep? Because it is unmanly? Why is it unmanly? August Strindberg, quoting William Shakespeare’s ‘Merchant of Venice’ My friend was mugged…

(Since there’s been complaints about too many Star Wars blogs topics here, I’ll blog about something else.) Chong Kiat – Eh, hi Rahman… How come you’re early today? No traffic jam? Rahman – Oh, hi Kiat! Well, you know Sunday is Wesak, long weekend. Most of our colleagues in this division are also on leave. Chong Kiat – Yeah, since there are so few of us, boss surely will have a lot of things to do. Rahman – so did you watch that documentary on Evolution of Plant Life in the Dessert Environment last night? It was on National Geographic, what a fascinating show! The pro-generation mechanisms of these fauna…

Since the nation is gripped with Anakin/Vader fever, I will be doing Star Wars-themed blogs every day (usually also in a Malaysian context). Well, not every day. I understand you can get sick of this stuff pretty fast. I’ll still be doing the normal moronic blogs about my life. But anyway yesterday, I did one on the Dark Lord of the Sith. Today, to balance out the Force, I’m doing one on the Jedi. Top Five Reasons Why A Malaysian Can Never Be A Jedi Master by Simon (who can beat the crap out of Yoda anytime): “Wah, this bugger! Simply cut into the queue! You cannot see everyone lining…

Top Ten Things That Will Happen If Darth Vader Became the Emperor of Malaysia by Simon (who by way, is the father of Princess Leia’s secret love-child): New national anthem – ‘Negaraku’ replaced with humming the cool Imperial March. Use of the ‘Force’ to kill any cabinet minister that opposes his view. During ribbon cutting ceremonies, he uses lightsaber instead of scissors. Crime reaches all time low when the police force is replaced by the Stormtroopers. Black robes become the new fashion craze. Who needs the RMAF and their hopeless Nuri helicopters? Bring on the TIE Fighters! Ampang Jaya is renamed ‘Anakin Jaya’, Melaka is renamed ‘Death Star City’, Sik…

I used to read NST for more than 18 years when growing up. Now I’ve switched to another leading paper, and NST readership has dropped drastically according to latest surveys. I can’t really pin-point the reasons it has become unpopular, but I can suggest some ways reach out to a wider target audience. Publish newspaper in 4 different sizes – extra large (for those with eyesight problems), large, small and A4-size (for reading in LRT). Publish daily-continuing soap-opera stories ala Dallas or Dynasty to keep people coming back everyday. More Lat comics. Give free Perodua Myvi with every yearly subscription. Have more niche-market pullouts – for example: Bonsai planting, spotlight…

Although I wrote a blog poking fun at the types of Malaysian boyfriends available for girls to find, this can be a very serious matter for most people. Some people go through plenty of heartache through failed or painful relationships, some people find their soulmates waiting for them around the corner. And some people go through their entire life forever looking, but never finding that him or her. In terms of finding a partner for life (for better or for worse), there are generally two schools of thought. The former believe that there is only one person out there destined for you, you have to find that particular person, that…

I’ve been working for many years now, at many different levels. I’ve been a lowly trainee, entry level staff, mud-caked contractor, holier-than-thou consultant, middle management to manager (well, sort of). To all those guys just starting work or going to, here’s some personal grooming advice that may seem corny, but will help you a lot in your job in the long run (and believe me, it will). Shave everyday – Yes, this is corny and you may think that your office doesn’t really mind these minor issues; I work as a graphic designer, etc. I’ve been guilty of this at least once every week. But guess what, most Malaysians don’t…

Top Ten Most Annoying Habits of Malaysian While Watching Movies by Simon (who, by the way hasn’t been in a cinema for a long, long time): “OK, you see are, this part! This part! The hero’s going to get killed!!” Morons sitting bwhind you who kick your chair every time they get excited. “Hello, hello. Yes, yes, can talk, can, can. Watching movie, watching movie. Star Wars, Star Wars…” (They MUST repeat everything at least once!) Eating kuaci and throwing the husks on the floor like this is the Bentong Cathay cinema in 1984. Couples next to you getting fresh with one another like this is Bukit Gasing at night.…