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Searching for Your Soulmate

May 18, 2005
Although I wrote a blog poking fun at the types of Malaysian boyfriends available for girls to find, this can be a very serious matter for most people. Some people go through plenty of heartache through failed or painful relationships, some people find their soulmates waiting for them around the corner.

And some people go through their entire life forever looking, but never finding that him or her.

In terms of finding a partner for life (for better or for worse), there are generally two schools of thought. The former believe that there is only one person out there destined for you, you have to find that particular person, that one perfect soulmate. Anyone else can be a good partner, but they are ultimately not the right one for. Although this perception holds some truth, it is often used as a excuse when a certain relationship goes wrong.

The second school of thought professes that there is no special someone, we have to work to make any relationship work, the success or failure of any relationship depend solely on how much the two parties want it to work or put into it. Therefore, a person must choose carefully the character and traits of the person he or she wants to date, if certain prerequisites are not met, then the relationship will most likely fail. Both views are wildly popular, not bounded by race, religion or upbringing.

But what do I believe in? I used to believe in one extreme (I won’t say which), but I later held that there is a middle road. It is a combination of the two opposing views, i.e. there is a certain group of people (not a single person) that are right for you, but having found one, you still have to put your heart and soul into the person to make it work. There is no easy way in a relationship, you only get what you put in. But that really doesn’t mean if you marry someone that isn’t ‘right’ for you, it will end up on the rocks. I also believe that if the couple love one and another, nothing much can really stand in their way.

I never really went ‘looking’ for a girlfriend. But one night many years ago, I was bumming around in my friend’s office at night, waiting to go somewhere with him, an angel in a brown dress walk through the door. Through some divine intervention, she now bears my family name. At that instant when I saw her through the doorway, I didn’t really think of whether she REALLY was my soulmate or not, or about making it work: I just saw an angel.

This post is dedicated to JG & SL, getting married soon. In life, sometimes we find that there is no true love for us, or that a chance that has gone could’ve been the One. But as I used to tell my long-suffering friend El,

“It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.”


Millions of lonely hearts are out there looking for love every day, every night. Some find it, some never do in their lifetime. But love, just like life, should always go on.



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