Today’s Halloween. It’s okay if you dunno anything about the occasion, I don’t either. It’s some American tradition like Thanksgiving and Superbowl Sunday. But judging from all the TV programs, its supposed to be a day originating from Samhain where kids dress up like supposedly scary costumes (You want scary? Has anyone dressed up like a barrel of toxic waste? Or a walking monitor with the Windows blue screen of death? Or George W. Bush?) Anyway, like I said, it’s an American thing. Even as hard as those local toy stores try to hawk the merchandise to us here. But speaking of all things scary, does anyone remember the series…

Trigger – Hey, Silver. You know something? I feel a little uneasy around here. This place is a bit… spooky. Silver – Aw, c’mon, it’s spook because it some festival going on here in Malaysia. All the good folks have disappeared off somewhere, leaving the Filipino maids, Indonesian labourers, Myanmar coffeeshop workers and other foreigners like us to rule in the city…! Yee-haw! Trigger – Yes, but don’t you notice something? There’s no other foreigners here but us! And i don’t think the locals are all gone… I can see some of them peeking out at us from inside their homes… I think they’re very suspicious of us… Silver –…

Hari Raya is now in its third day, most folks are still on leave, there’s probably one more day of ‘Raya TV specials’ on air all day. Let’s face it, local TV during Hari Raya hasn’t changed much in the last 20 years. The stars may be younger, and the production slightly better (just slightly) but the staples are still there. Then again it’s the same with Chinese New Year and Christmas too, but anyway. At least they stopped that ‘Rasa Sayang AidilFitri’ kid’s programme in the mornings. And the corresponding ‘Rasa Sayang’ for every other holiday… Top Ten Things You’ll Likely See on Local TV on Hari Raya Last…

Selamat Hari Raya folks. It’s been a good day, so good i had to drag myself off the couch to blog a bit. Okay, just a little. Let me see, today i woke up at 10, went to Mid-Valley Megamall (just before the carpark became a madhouse), tried the new KFC variety bucket, came back, slept it off, lounged around just to see the heaviest storm of the year, spend 1 hour on the treadmill to work off the KFC, and am now blogging about it. I’m going to watch some DVDs after this. God bless our fantastic public holidays. Maaf zahir batin. I’ve been hearing Sharifah Aini’s ‘Selamat Hari…

I’d like to wish Happy Deepavali or Diwali to some notable Malaysians. I’m not sure if some of these people celebrate the Festival of Lights or not, but in the spirit of Malaysiana, I wish them well all the same. M. Karathu – that humble unassuming Perak coach that lighted up Malaysian football all those years back. Those guys from Alleycats – Terima kaSIH!!!! Mr. Rajan – My old neighbour, the retired cop back in the old hometown. He has a son, but he never visits cause he’s staying overseas. My dad used to visit him on Deepavali, and they spend the whole evening complaining about how their pensions can’t…

Stall Owner: Sawadee kap… want to buy silver/silk/T-shirt/priceless-artefact-unearthed-from-ancient-sunken-city-of-Ayutthaya? Me: Hmmm. Just browsing. (Points to something, NOT the priceless artefact, of course) How much for this one? Stall Owner: This one I give very cheap. 400 baht only. (Gives the all famous ‘land of thousand smiles’ smile) Me: (Raises eyebrows). (Side note: I dunno. This raising eyebrows thing is seemed to be taken for representing “Geez, kind of steep price for first offer, isn’t it?” or “What kind of overpaying water fish tourist do you take me for?” Should the price be even higher, you can feign horror as if they asked for your firstborn in exchange for the trinket you…

If you’re wondering where I’ve disappeared to for the past few days, I was on holiday over the weekend to the ancient Siamese kingdom of Lanna, or Chiang Mai as you would call it today. Don’t worry, I won’t be posting like 20 vacation photos here, just a few interesting points about the oldest city in Thailand. First thing I noticed when i stepped off the plane (AirAsia, no less) – no haze. I know, I know, everyone here is sick to death of talking about the haze, but it only takes a few seconds there without haze to realize how unhealthy and smoky it is in Malaysia. Another thing…

Haze, rain (flood and traffic jams), haze, rain (flood and…), haze… I’m beginning to see a pattern emerging here. After one week of lung choking haze, number of MC’s increase. Yes, I contributed one day, too. Then the papers will be out with their swords against those people contributing to the haze e.g. evil logging companies, poor enforcement by neighbouring companies, restaurants serving sizzling steaks, etc. Then comes one day of super heavy rain. I guarantee you the next day there’ll be front page pictures comparing the ‘haze’ and ‘no haze’ KL skyline. Usually with Mat Salleh tourist pointing to the sky. (Yes, everyone, don’t forget the haze will be…

Regular readers of this blog (yes, all TWO of you) will remember me mentioning about my (un)trusty old Proton Iswara, which DBKL is considering to award the “Oldest Proton in the City” special prize soon. These days I seldom use it, due to a variety of reasons, namely – air-con not working, engine overheats every time I get anywhere within 2 meters of Jalan Tun Razak, etc. You get the picture. So recently, its been spending a lot of time parked outside my house depriving the grass under it of sunlight, so much so there’s a patch of yellowing grass everytime I reverse the car out. Then last week my…

I know this happened before, but simontalks.com is closed temporarily due to the $%@#$ haze and related respiratory illnesses. Normal services should resume in a day or two. Hopefully. Some more tomorrow not holiday for me man. Anyway, for those who can’t remember how our country looked like before our neighbours tried to choke us to death… i think it looked something like this…