Bun Is In The Oven

A friend of mine is pregnant, and the baby is due next week. I just saw her gobbled down a slice of rich chocolate cake and a slice of cheesecake the other day. I’ve two children (I didn’t give birth to them, my wife did), so I know pregnancies pretty well. One thing I know is that when you are pregnant (and especially if you’re Chinese or Malay), everybody will have lots of ‘useful’ advice to give you. Especially those dry old aunties who think they’re qualified gynecologists or dieticians.

Let me compile a list of stuff I’ve heard over the years about pregnancies.

  • Pregnant women love looking at young children. I’ve noticed this a lot, too. Every time they see an adorable, angelic kid, they have this glazed look in their eyes, tilt their head to the left a bit, and slowly touch their stomach. I’ve also noticed this does NOT happen when they see a screaming, hell-raising kid.

  • You’re suppose to put on 10 to 13kg only during pregnancy. Doctors always say this. Unfortunately, 99% of women I know put on a WHOLE lot more than 10kg. And this extra weight is a bitch to lose. Unless you join one of those ultra-expensive slimming centres with those ‘Before’ and ‘After’ pics, promising you ‘I was 175lbs after the birth of my 7th child, now I’m 120lbs! No pills! No injections! No starvation! But pay through your nose, more than cost of delivery in C-section!’

  • Don’t watch scary movies, or go to the circus / zoo and see the monkeys. This one I can never understand. Old women believe if you do so, your child will come out looking like whatever you saw. Like that movie the Elephant Man. Well, I dunno if its true, but if it is, expecting mothers should spend more time looking at pictures of Johnny Depp and / or Angelina Jolie. Hah.

  • Don’t go out at night. I dunno. Scared of ghost izzit? Scared of mosquito bites izzit? Or bats?

  • When the pelvic bones opening reaches 10mm, then only the doctor comes. Anything before that, he’ll still be in his room checking his mail.

  • Pregnant women eat a lot of folic acid pills. What food they CRAVE for is another story.

  • Pregnancies last for 9 months or 40 weeks, calculated from your last menstruation, divided into 3 trimesters. Most children also know this, since their mothers always say, “Don’t answer back to me! I carried you for 9 MONTHS and spent 13 HOURS in LABOUR to deliver you!!!”

  • Don’t get me started on the mood swings.

  • Pregnant women pee a lot. Okay, this one 100% true. If your wife is pregnant and you plan to go somewhere on foot, like shopping, you need to plan your journey so that you pass a toilet (of a reasonable level of cleanliness) every half hour or so.

  • During confinement, you can’t eat… whoa. This one I can go on for a few pages…


  • Jason

    whats PMS? premature sex? ohh yea.. menstruation? i dont know anything bout pregnancy.. forgive me


    the only experience i ever had with pregnant woman.. is my sister.. she married when she was 21.. and guess what.. i’m an uncle when i was 14!!
    young uncle… pretty depressing


  • alicia

    During confinement, you can’t eat… whoa…

    When the pelvic bones opening reaches 10 inches..

    You’re suppose to put on 10 to 13kg only during pregnancy

    These three points mentioned are scary enuf to have a baby.. and you’ve forgotten bout the painful xperience, sleeping position and wad not to eat when having a baby..

  • anjali*

    “When the pelvic bones opening reaches 10 inches, then only the doctor comes. Anything before that, he’ll still be in his room checking his mail.”

    Or worst still, checking his blog! Haha.

  • irene

    jason,i am a aunt when i was 10 years old..haha

    You’re suppose to put on 10 to 13kg only during pregnancy, this is true, i read from Anmum brochure..and i only gain 11 kg before delivery of JJ

    i was most scare of before the pelvic bones opening reaches 10 inches, when doctor or nurse need to check ur private part..

    During confinement,i can’t blow fan, this is the most scary things..

  • lilian

    SIMON! You are so true about the doctor appearing. Each and every single one of them do that ALL the time. I am going to plug this to my parenting blog.

  • Ken

    I once heard about “feng-shui” stuff about pregnant women… suitable sleeping positions, directions you should face while sleeping, put this and that in your bedroom, wear this and that on your neck… etc.

    pretty scary stuff.

  • simon

    rijac – oooooooooo-kaaaaay… :/

    jason – eh being uncle ok wat. got someone to bully…!

    alice – not to mention the gas, the swollen ankles, the cravings, the pantang…

    anjali – i bet some actually do!!!

    inevitable – yep, pregnancy us a difficult time, even for the women…! i luv dat joke…

    irene – the nurse will slap on the latex gloves, stuff it in, and say “oh, baru 4mm, lama lagiii…”

    lilian – my doc left his room at 7mm. by the time he arrived in delivery, it was 10mm…

    ponytales – “bun in the oven” means pregnant. 🙂

    ken – ish, its a good thing i dun believe in all this feng shui stuff. sounds complicated.

  • Adam

    Have gone through it once before and am going through it now. Its scary, its tough but when the you hold the new born baby for the first time, it’s worth it.

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