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Get Professional Makeup and Look Like Jessica Simpson

February 28, 2006

You know those high class counters in the shopping centre selling designer perfume and obscenely expensive make up for women? Behind the counter are usually the prettiest sales girls in the shopping centre, dressed up in either white, grey or black, usually with heavy make up and fogged up perfume on their necks.

And with highlights in their hair.

Every time I pass by, they are usually either touching up their lipstick or spraying free sample perfume to passing by ladies. They never look at or entertain me, because

  • I’m not a woman.
  • I don’t look rich enough to buy any of their products for my wife.
  • They know I’m just passing through the make-up section to get to the cheap sale factory reject
    pants on the other side of the department store.

Anyway, the other day, while I was walking through one of those perfume and make-up section (which is almost always entirely white in colour) on the way to see the cheap sale factory reject pants on the other side of the department store, I saw this sales girl applying make-up for a customer. The customer was a young woman, with a giggly friend in tow. The sales girl was obviously promoting this new makeup product and sort of teaching the customer how to apply it on.

I’m intrigued as to how this happened in the first place.

Salesgirl: Hello miss, you want to try our new ‘Eternal Beauty’ makeup line? Our spokesmodel is Jessica Simpson, if you put on our makeup, you face and whole body will look like her.

Customer: Wow, the poster looks good. But I don’t know how to apply it.

Salesgirl: Yeah, I can tell. Your make-up looks like shite.Or were you going for the ‘panda’ look?

Customer: No lah, I don’t have time to put on makeup properly every morning.

Salesgirl: Never mind, I put it on for you. But with your eyes closed you probably can’t see what the heck I’m doing, but whatever, let me just do it. You might just look as fabulous as me. Here wipe off your cheap makeup with this cloth.

Customer: OK. Jessica Simpson, huh?

Salesgirl: Yep. Face and body like her. OK, close your eyes, I’ll use this brush and mascara I’ve used for 13 other sweaty women today…

(after 10 minutes)

Salesgirl: Here’s a mirror, what do you think?

Customer: Oh, my God! I DO look like Jessica Simpson! I’ll take one set!

Salesgirl: Good! That will be USD$399.99. Plus we’re giving you a complimentary face towel worth USD$99.99. Please pay at the counter…

Customer: Woo-hoo! Hollywood here I come! Eat your heart out, Nick Lachey!

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