It’s A Dog Life

(In association with the Year of the Dog, this post is for man’s best friend, that lovable dog)

So far, the year of the canine hasn’t really gone to the dogs yet, so to speak. Well, maybe I shouldn’t speak so soon, it’s only the third day, that’s hardly even the end of the first day, in dog years.

While I was reading my dog-eared copy of the newspaper, I couldn’t help noticing the many pictures of the cute little dogs sent in by readers. So adorable, no wonder they call it puppy love. Other than that, there wasn’t anything else interesting, except the new national watchdog group. Well, I say let them send out the sniffing dogs.

My wife immediately went for her daily dose of Sudog-ku, it never really had that dogged patience to do those puzzles.

At the risk of chasing my own tail, I won’t rant on any longer.

Well, doggone it, it’s a dog’s life after all.

Technorati Tags: Dog

Lillian Too and Simon Predicts

Wow, Lillian Too is really living it up, man.

Last week, I heard her on the radio on this morning talk show where she was giving out tips to callers on how to handle the Year of the Dog (I can safely say a leash, flea collar and muzzle were not involved). Now, the past few days, she is on almost every local TV channel and newspaper talking about feng shui.

Side note: For my non-Malaysian readers, (yes, all two of you) Lillian is a successful modern day feng shui master who has made millions through her own TV show, hundreds of books published every year and product endorsements. However, she has no relations whatsoever to Harry Potter, Wizards of the Coast, Fong Sai Yuk or any of those people. I’m not too sure whether she’s related to Lilian Chan, though (Simon runs away and hide)…

I thought the whole Lillian’s Feng Shui craze had died down, after the initial run of her show on cable, now it looks like the whole thing is back, even stronger than the last time. Even Malays are calling into her show, the other this Malay pal of mine was telling me how he followed Lillian’s principles fervently. I guess Lillian is very smart to emphasize that feng shui is not a religion, more of harmony with nature and your surroundings.

I, for one, don’t believe in feng shui, but believe me, a lot of people do. I mentioned her once in this blog many months ago (I don’t evern remember what it was for) and until today, I still get incoming google searches to my site for things like “Lillian Too’s prediction for 2006” or “feng+shui+lillian+too“. Everyday. I kid you not.

Say what you want about her, she’s one shrewd businesswoman. She’s got the whole niche market sewed up, and raking in the big bucks. She’s even got bloggers talking about her, so there.

Anyways, on another note, looking for numbers is still big business these days. You’d think this would die out with the old generation, like dough dolls and parasols and racing horse calendars, but boy, are you wrong. Every week you read in the papers of people visiting graves and paying homage to snakes in temples to get numbers.

Another side note: The “numbers” aforementioned has nothing to do with mathematics or statistics, it is referring to the Malaysian Chinese (and other races) fascination with four digit lottery. It’s related to a host of other concepts like dream books, car registration plates, calendar dates, horse racing, etc but we don’t have time go into that.

Right, so Simon is going to give you 4 numbers: 3789. It’s supposed to be arranged in a 2×2 grid, so that you need to figure out the correct sequence, according to your personal skill. Or better yet, go and buy one of those ‘unofficial’ syndicates that ‘pau’ all combinations of the 4 numbers. Sure win one.

Yet another pointless side note: Simon does not advocate buying lottery. He just dreamt up those 4 digits, buy at your own peril. However, if you strike first prize (or even just the starter or consolation, Simon demands 20% of takings. End of the yet another pointless sidenote.

Technorati Tags: Lillian Too, Joey Yap, lottery, feng shui

It Was The Night Before The New Year

It’s less than half and hour to the dawn of the New Year, it has been a tiring day to say the least. Tomorrow looks to be an even more strenuous day, but its all in good spirit.

I spent a good part of the morning contributing to the jam on the North-South Highway. The jam was unexpectedly bad, but I’m more relieved that I am safely through and that there weren’t any major accidents on the way.

On the journey, I had a lot of time to enjoy the scenery and observe my fellow road-users, they usually interesting insights to our Malaysian culture.

Wingz was right. My cellphone didn’t have adequate signal on some parts of the highway. I believe his words were “don’t believe what those telco advertisements tell you.” Most people know this already, but with the way the telco brazenly advertise on the billboards along the highway, you would think it’s covered as well as KLCC is. Ha.

Another interesting point i noticed. It wasn’t until the end of the journey that i noticed the only Proton Savvy on the highway. What does that mean? That the Potong Sawi isn’t popular with the Chinese, considering most of the highway users today were Chinese? Maybe not entirely true, my wife said. They probably use the Sawi as a second or weekend car. Maybe.

But as I overtook the lone Potong Sawi, the driver was, surprise, surprise, an Indian woman. So much for my theories.

I stopped at one of those rest areas along the way to use the toilet. I didn’t really needed to pee, i just wanted to stretch my legs. The place was quite packed, but not as insanely full as the larger Rest & Recreation areas. The cars were parked along the highway, can you believe it?

Well, the small rest area that i stopped at had a long line a guys waiting to use the toilets. Only 2 of the 3 urinals were in use, the third was clogged and overflowing due to cigarette butts. No surprise there.

It’s almost midnight now, I can smell the thick incense from the table outside my neighbour’s house. I believe someone may see some fortune numbers in a short while…

Technorati Tags: Chinese New Year, Proton Savvy

February, oh, February

Most people are taking the tomorrow off to start the long new year break, so let me take this opportunity to wish everyone a Happy New Year and a good holiday!

Anyway, for those taking the week off, here’s some good news for you to chew on…

• if you’re a five day employee (like those bank employees), there are only 17 days to work in February.

• Chap Goh Mei, falls on 12th February, a Sunday. The English counterpart, The Feast of St. Valentine’s falls on Tuesday, two days later.

• After City Day on 1st February, the next public holiday is on 11th April. Long way more, my friends.

Anyways, drive safely, and if you have internet access over the next week, keep coming back here for more posts…

Kong Hei Fatt Choy!

Top Ten Burning Questions Most People Have To Answer Before Chinese New Year

For those not celebrating Chinese New Year or are unable to feel the festive spirit, I apologize for the recent deluge of CNY-related posts here in the past one week.

Now then, on to business. Some burning questions some of us may have to answer. And these things you won’t find at Wikipedia or Answers.com.

Top Ten Burning Questions Most People Have To Answer Before Chinese New Year

• Should we go back to home town on Friday morning, Friday evening or Saturday morning? If Friday morning, then I have to take leave, I’m not sure my boss would approve my leave on such short notice. But Saturday morning the traffic would surely be horrendous…

• If I pump full tank tomorrow, I’ll need to pump again before the long journey on Sunday. But if I pump tomorrow or Thursday, I won’t have enough petrol to make it back all the way, and there is only one petrol station on the way, but…

• Look, if you take the trunk road, it will take a little longer to reach home, but you save on the petrol. However, the highway would be faster, but you’re talking about a lot of toll money here. An alternative route is to go via the old tunnel, but the traffic is usually heavy with trucks. Decisions, decisions, decisions.

• If I stick around the TV on Saturday at your parents house, I might get a chance to swipe the remote control and switch to ESPN to catch the EPL game. If not, I might have to sneak off to the nearest mamak with a decent 21” TV. Failing that, I’ve got to learn to program that God-forsaken VCR of ours.

• Honey, on the first day of new year, do you want to wear the red qi pao, or the white dress mommy bought for you, or the pink dress from Singapore? It would also depend on what shoes you’re planning to wear. What about socks? Do you have enough socks?

• Should I use the Maxis ang pow packet or the DiGi ang pow packet? But I use Celcom prepaid…

• What am I going to do with all these square New Year cards?

• Which type of kuaci should I buy for Chinese New Year? The black water-melon seeds, the white powdery type, the hard red type or the sunflower seeds? Does anyone actually eat this stuff?

• Should I give my hell-raising, screaming nephews RM1 or RM1.50 ang pows?

• Should we come back to the city on Saturday night, Sunday morning or Monday morning, if Monday morning I need to take leave… (ad nauseam).

Technorati Tags: Chinese New Year, Top Ten

Top Ten Things Overheard During Chinese New Year Dinner At Home

Ah, most of us will be having the Tuin Neen (year end) dinner at home this Saturday night. The veritable Chinese tradition, with lots of food and chatter. But the chatter, well, it can sometimes be more important than anything else…

Top Ten Things Overheard During Chinese New Year Dinner At Home

• “Eh, you were also born in the year of the dog, right? That makes you 36 years old this year! Or is it 48? Wah, old maid already, ah? Still no boyfriend aa?”
  (Simon says: Just say that you’re 60 but look like 24.)

• “This is the 8th yee sang dinner I’ve had so far. Last week my boss treated us to this dinner at a five star hotel – with abalone, shark fin’s soup, salmon, cod, etc. This dinner so cheap one…”
  (Simon says: to which at this point, you are entitled to give this person a tight bitch slap).

• “Wah, I tell you, price of petrol gone up, CPI index gone up, price of chicken gone up, price of fags also go up, everything also going up… except the blardy KLCI and my salary…”
  (Simon says: Not to worry. Your cholestrol level and blood pressure will most likely go up too.)

• “What did your mother say about me? Why are you all laughing?! You’re suppose to translate everything your relatives say into English for me!”
  (Simon says: This one is especially for all me mat salleh friends with Malaysian wives…)

• “Tomorrow early morning, you have to fetch my parents and me to Temerloh to see my grandmother’s step-brother, then we need to visit my rich cousin in Raub, following that we have a lunch appointment with fifth auntie in Gehbeng, afternoon we need to visit my cousins in Gambang, Chuping and Maran, and then if still got time…”
  (Simon says: Nope, I’m not from Pahang, neither am I going there…)

• “Since it’s the Year of the Dog, tomorrow I’m going to feed Fido the family pooch to some BBQ meat and Coca Cola. That poor thing is so skinny from your mother’s cooking.”
  (Simon says: “WHAT did you say about my mother’s cooking…?!…)

• “I’m sorry, but the phone and internet is down or the whole week. Why don’t you do something productibe and help my grandmother make her famous giant lanterns made out of ang pow packets?
  (Simon says: “And remember NOT to piss off grandma, she’s swears like a sailor. Remember the sparkler incident last year?…)

• “What do you mean there’s nothing to watch on TV? They going to show ‘Once Upon A Time in China II’ on TV tonight! Then there’s Alan Tam’s 1985 farewell concert!”
  (Simon says: “OMG… Somebody get me to a DVD store, soon. Or else…)

• “Eat this. It’s coagulated chicken blood mixed with fried pig’s trotters. It’s my aunt’s famous delicacy and its good for you.”
  (Simon says: “You know what? Malaysian chickens dread Chinese New Year just like American turkeys dread Thanksgiving!)

• “No, no. THAT’s my first auntie. My fourth auntie is in Australia. The other one is my cousin’s mother-in-law, but very close to my family. Her son studied in Universiti Malaya, very brilliant one you know?”
  (Simon says: But, but, but… I have my own blog! That one also quite good ma!)

Technorati Tags: Chinese, Top Ten, Chinese New Year, year of the dog

Something on Ang Pow and Chinese New Year

This coming year of is the year of the golden dog, so I’m told. If you’re unfamiliar with the concept of the Chinese Zodiac, there are 12 animals. I’m not too familiar with the correct sequence, but the 12 are rooster, dog, rat, dragon, horse, tiger, goat, boar (the politically correct name), monkey, snake, ox and rabbit.

There are also 5 elementals in the mix – fire, water, gold, wind and metal. This goes together with the 12 animals, a good calendar will tell you which year it is.

I wrote a piece last year on how they decided on which 12 animals made the final cut, you can read it here.

These days, kids don’t really make a big deal about ang pows, I think back when we were smaller, it was a really big deal. Maybe its because kids these days get a big fat allowance every month, back then the red packet was the only source of income for us small kids.

Nowadays, I thinking the minimum going rate is RM2, I doubt you’ll find RM1 packets any more. So it’s RM2 for your friend’s children, RM5 for nephews and nieces (no matter how annoying they are) and RM10 above for your own children and grandchildren. Unmarried children above working age get nothing except a barrage of ‘When are you getting married?” questions.

Some years back an aunt of mine (who was loaded, by the way) used to give RM1.10 inside the pack. Yes I know, freaky. One touch and you can tell it was one ringgit bill and a coin. Who gives coins anymore?! I believe they did in my father’s time, but…

But anyway, I realize its not proper to rag about ang pows and Chinese New Year, its always to thought that counts and money isn’t everything in the world.

That and the fact I don’t qualify for it anymore. Well, at least I don’t get the barrage of ‘When are you getting married?” questions anymore…

Technorati Tags: Chinese Zodiac, ang pows, Chinese New Year

Three Greek Movies

As matter of coincidence, I watched three Greek movies over the past 2 weeks. No, when I say Greek movies, I don’t mean Greek-speaking modern cinema, but Hollywood sword and sandals epics ‘Troy‘ and ‘Alexander‘. And the third one was the comedy ‘My Big Fat Greek Wedding‘. That one was quite funny, actually.

OK, disregarding the third one, let’s talk about ‘Troy’ and ‘Alexander’. I used to be very interested in Greek mythology as a kid, reading everything I could find about the Greek (and Roman and Norse) Gods. The stories on the mortals heroes like Achilles, Jason, Perseus and Theseus were not as interesting as the ones involving the politicking and back-stabbing Gods, but they were all a little far-fetched and mythical, to say the least.

There were a slew of movies in the 70’s that were quite notable. There was one called ‘Jason and the Argonauts’ which was quite good, and of course there was Robert Mitchum as Spartacus (oh, wait, that was the Roman Empire).

But the big box-office came in the form of Clash of the Titans, which I recalled was really huge in Malaysia (although it came to our shores a few years later than in the US). It starred Harry Hamlin (before he starred as the hotshot lawyer on LA Law), as the hero who set out to slay the Medusa to take her head. I could remember he was accompanied by a mechanical owl.

But coming back to Troy and Alexander. Five things I noticed about these modern day Greek tragedies:

• The hero is always blonde. The side characters have black hair, as with convention depiction of Greeks in the movies.

• Greeks in 200 B.C. speak perfect English. With a so-called Greek accent.
• Greeks actually DO wear togas all the time. How the women avoid VPL (visible panty line) all the time is a big mystery.
• Just like in Braveheart, just before the important battle, the hero or general will giving this rousing, awe-inspiring speech about ‘for freedom, for country and may the Gods be with us’. To which the foot soldiers will cheer like animals. The question is, how 40,000 soldiers can hear him speak without a loud hailer or a decent PA system is beyond me.
• Coming back to ‘My Big Fat Greek Wedding’, I had no idea Joey Fatone of the Backstreet Boys is supposed to be Greek. And if you look at it one way, his name becomes Joey Fat One.

Technorati Tags: Greek, movies, Hollywood, Troy, Alexander, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, mythology

The Last of the Silent Generation

Every time when the Chinese New Year fanfare rolls around the corner, I’m always reminded of my grandmother. Not my maternal grandma, my paternal one. My maternal grandma was a chain-smoking and swearing woman, I’ve talked about her before. If anyone would have met her, they would know which of her traits i inherited.

Nope, the lunar new year brings to mind my paternal grandmother, the late matriarch of the clan. She passed on about when I was in college. My whole experience of Chinese New Year was defined by my stays with her in the old house, along with the clan during the first 3 days of celebrations.

There are a lot of things i remember about her, but as the years go by, they become blurrer and more distant. I think i should write them down as i recall them, lest i forget.

***
When Chinese New Year came, all the relatives came to see her on the second day. First day was always spent with close family only, the following day was for important relatives.

***
She disliked girls. She had three daughters-in-law and two granddaughters, apparently she didn’t think much about them (I was told), but she liked boys. Unfortunately, before me she already had 4 other grandsons, so she pretty much didn’t bother too much about me… c’est la vie…

***
The always wore a nice wristwatch with a silver strap. Unfortunately, it was only for show, she couldn’t see anything on it. In her old age, sometimes i doubt she could even see the watch…

***
She always wore a jade bracelet. It made a clacking noise whenever it touched the wooden table, especially when was cleaning beansprouts (taugeh).

***
Sometimes, in the afternoons, she would make me a bowl of hot Maggi mee, when I asked for it. But not after some almost imaudible caustic mumblings / mutterings from her.

***
One day, she left this beautiful new set of bedsheets on the bus. If I remember it correctly, she had taken it back to the shop to change it to another colour…

***
She wore socks to sleep.

***
Early one morning, she couldn’t get out of bed. And in a matter of days after that, she had passed on. And then, the last of the 4 grandparents of mine were gone and the silent generation had come to and end. During the funeral, I was so tired I fell on to the mattress and slept immediately.

***
Many years after her passing, i had the opportunity to meet one of her brothers for the first time. After such a long time, my ancient dialect was rusty, but he was affable (plus he could also speak English). But one look, i could recognize the eyes…

***
The old house lies is dust now, over grown in weeds. The 7 grandchildren are all over the world now. I wonder if anyone of the other six remember them as i did. I seriously doubt it.

Technorati Tags: Chinese New Year, grandmother

Old TV Shows Resurrected to Movies

I just watched S.W.A.T. on DVD the other day. I remember the old TV series when I was a kid, I kinda had good memories of it, although the other day reading the online reviews of the movie, most of them liked the movie but said the original series was kind of lame.

Well, I liked it, but what I know, I was probably two and a half years old at that time. I really loved cops shows and S.W.A.T. always had interesting stakeouts or hostage situations.

OK, talking a bit about TV shows from the 70’s and 80’s. Most baby boomers like me remember the 80’s as the golden decade of TV, when the new medium of coloured idiot box took over our living rooms. There was no internet, radio was pretty crap, good movies were few and far between.

And so every night we watched TV. Sometimes, family sitcoms (‘Family Ties’ vs. ‘Growing Pains’), sometimes good old cop shows (‘CHiPs‘!) at times family drama (though I never liked ‘Eight is Enough’).

With the craze of Hollywood studios re-making old TV shows that that era, it’s rather inevitable that execs are scouring the media archives for the next big summer blockbuster. Most of the obvious choices have done, like Charlie’s Angels, Starksy & Hutch, Dukes of Hazzard (although I doubt this one was ever shown over here), etc.

The A-Team – I’m dying to see this on the big screen! I absolutely loved this cheesy show, I still watch the reruns. The plot was always the same, some small Godforsaken town in middle America is oppressed by a corrupted sheriff or businessman, out pops the aforementioned team in their black GMC van (usually being pursued by Colonel Decker), team annoys bad guy, set up elaborate trap (usually involving barrels and broken bar tables), you know the rest… I’m curious as to why Stephen J. Cannell, hasn’t allowed this movie to be made, at least 2 of the 4 original stars are still around. Lt. Templeton “Faceman” Peck (Dirk Benedict) should be sitting at home somewhere, I last saw “Howling Mad” Murdock (Dwight Shultz) on Star Trek: The Next Generation. He still looks the same. Col. John “Hannibal” Smith (George Peppard), has unfortunately passed on, and last I heard, Mr. T (B.A. Barracus) is ill.

But to hear them say “I love it when a plan comes together…” on the silver screen…

Fantasy Island – “The plane! The plane!” Well, now this show would never had stood a chance to win any Emmys, it was always a cheap thrill. If you had never watched this poor (my sympathies), the premise was always the same every week. 3 sets of guests, either a couple or alone, would come by hydro-plane to this tropical island, hosted by Mr. Roarke (Ricardo Montalban) and his sidekick Tattoo, where for one weekend, they can fulfill their deepest fantasy. What happens is that they will go through this dream-like thing, like be a WWII pilot, live in prehistoric times, or something like that. And usually, it always ends up with a happy ending, like ‘the Love Boat’.

To do this movie, well, they don’t need much, really. Probably a new Tattoo, I don’t think he’s still alive. They can get that Mini-Me actor from the Austin Powers series…

MacGyver – Bart Simpson’s Aunt Patti and Selma loved this show, and you can understand why. Richard Dean Anderson (now seen on Stargate) was one hot dude back in the day. He was always eligible, always smart and resourceful, and always smooth with the ladies. Anyway, it’s about this handyman using college science and above average common sense to solve mysteries and all these muddles he (and some hot babe) always seem to be getting into. But in the later seasons they ran out of ideas and kept recycling the ideas. Come to think of it, maybe a Mac movie won’t be such a good idea…

Part II will be coming soon, I think…

Technorati Tags: The A-Team, Fantasy Island, MacGyver, Richard Dean Anderson, TV, 80′s