Simon is bored. SO, today, he’ll answer random questions about Christmas and the festive season. Apologies to Santa, elves and the tooth fairy. No offence meant.
How come it doesn’t snow in Malaysia?
Global warming.
How come I never get to see Santa Claus flying around the sky on Christmas Eve night?
Santa uses a cloaking device.
If Malaysian houses have no chimneys, how does Santa get into our homes to distrbute presents?
Using master keys, plus some useful skills he picked up from prison, and a circular blade saw.
Is Rudolph a real reindeer? Why is his nose red?
No he’s a mutant kancil with fake antlers. His red nose is a warning sign to oncoming aeroplanes to avoid collision.
What’s Father Christmas’ wife’s name?
Mary Christmas. (haw, haw, I know, its a lame joke.)
I heard there are elves in the North Pole. Who or what are they?
Go watch LOTR.
Why is Santa so fat?
Atkins diet not going so well.
I heard from National Geographic that there are fewer and fewer reindeers in the North Pole. What’s happening?
Santa just loves venison. That’s part of the reason why the Atkin’s died is NOT going so great.
No, no, someone told me they help Santa make toys for the children.
Yeah, obviously ‘Santa’ hasn’t read the Child Labour Protection Act 1988.
Why are there 12 days of Christmas when we only have one day of public holiday?
Malaysians are not interested in resting or public holidays. Work is the one and only important thing in our lives.
I read somewhere that NASA took some photos of the North Pole and there doesn’t seem to be anything except snow and ice. Where is Santa’s home?
NASA is lying. Try using Google Earth.
15 Comments
yuin
Malaysia got haze, no need snow.
Ken
Why does santa never grow any older? How was he like when he was young?
sharl612
*LOL* So, North Pole = Middle Earth er.
rascher
Hoho!! Wait, is the Atkins diet going not so well or well?
It’s amazing how everyone adopts the tales of Santa even though they’ve never been close to a chimney or a fistful of snow before. Hehe! I think he’ll need maaannyy kancils to pull his sleigh 🙂
JoeC
lol, reality vs fantasy… nice one there. I think this is a 10PG rating posts. cheers!
lucia
ya agree with joec. very good one here, simon. amusing.
ok, tell me why is santa’s suit red colour and why does he has a long white beard?
mudslinger
i think the beard makes it easier for him to sweep the kuaci ‘dust’ of his red suit (see simon’s post on travelling on NS highway).
Shan
I like December. It’s the only time of the year where I can go around saying things like Bah Humbug just to piss my friends off 🙂
lilian
How does Santa preserve his ‘youth’? SKII? He seems to be the same age year in year out, for centuries and decades.
mahagurusia
U mean Santa is really coming (this time?)…. better dust my old sock. And I hope this time he will leave behind one of his sexy santarinas. I am good boy this year…. hehehe
Sexymama
Why does Santa still use a sleigh? There’re modern vehicles like snow scooters. Shouldn’t torture the animals like that pulling such a heavy chap like him.
simon
hmmm… some very interesting questions here, thanks everyone. looks like there will be a continuation today.
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lilian
And then hor, how come I never see Santa having baby santas? Is he gay? Or a paedo with all the elves?
simon
mrs. santa always got headache.