“Wah, Long Time No See Ah?”

Other Person: Wah, my friend. Long time no see ah?

Simon: No, not really. I saw you last week at the shopping centre ma. I saw you with this girl, you pretend not to see me only ma.

Other Person: No lah, where got. The last time I saw you was probably in college long time ago la.

Simon: I’m very sure it was you la. You were trying to impress this girl, talking in your fake Australian accent some more, right or not?

Other Person: Eh, dun say like that. I where got girlfriend. I ten years never see already, wah you put on a lot of weight la.

Simon: Really? Got meh?
(Any bloody moron can see that, moron…!)

Other Person: Yalah, why you never exercise one aa?

Simon: Got. Who say don’t have. Anyway, you also put on 20 lbs aa? You never exercise aa?
(you look like Jabba the Hutt now, I dowan to say only)

Other Person: No lah, where got (Gee, you love to say that phrase, izzit?). I’m big-boned only ma. Anyway, the colour of this shirt makes me look bigger only.

Simon: Really ah? What size is that? KKXL?

Other Person: What’s KKXL?

Simon: ‘King Kong Extra Large’.

Other Person: Haha, very funny, no la. I wear size M, very fitting. Same size I wore when I was 18 year old.
(Really? You also wore KKXL in school ah?)

Simon: Yeah, OK. Whatever you say.

Other Person: So hah, since college you never keep in touch oredi hor? Yeah la, married man, very busy hor… heheh…
(WTF?! I just saw you last week! And YOU ignored me!!)

Simon: Not really what. I still keep in touch with my friends ma.

Other Person: But you never come for our reunion gatherings…
(Well, excuse me if I don’t come for all those alcohol bing-bragging session-talking rubbish-gatherings you people call ‘reunion’)

Simon: Aiyah, timing not right. Sometimes got work.

Other Person: Anyway, its good I bumped into you, I actually wanted to look you up (no shi!t, I bet you were).

Simon: Why aa?

Other Person: No lah, nothing lah… Are you fully insured aa? I’ve actually doing insurance now aa…

Simon: AAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHH!!! (DUSH::DUSH::DUSH *bangs head against wall*)

Note: This guy I’m talking to is not my ‘friend’, I made it clear its JUST ‘other person’.

Second Note: This conversation never took place, the ‘other person’ doesn’t exist. Although there are a lot of people I’d like to say it to.

Third Note: Simon’s wishes to apologize for murdering the English language in this post. Normal service will resume tomorrow.


  • S-Kay

    Aha. Well, it happened to Mr.BF ok. This guy claimed that he needed to re-add his hp no. to his hp because he lost it but in the first place, Mr.BF don’t even know him that well and he never gave that dude his hp no. so wanna re-add wad. Mr.BF figured that he wanted new clients for insurance only, dats all coz that guy’s working with HLA. Doboh betul.

  • eSSeNtRiC

    Ha.. just happened to click here, click there, and found my way here. Funny stuff! Love it. HAHA, I even found the Sepet paraody an amusing read. OK, so it was meant to be amusing no? *adds simontalks.com to daily reads*

  • Yvy

    hhmmm…i guess you have the same reasons as me to avoid reunions. 🙂 mine is coz MEMANG i king kong edi. lol… 😛

    but seriously, although insurance salespersons are pesky – i admire their perseverance, non-stop talking n kulit tebal. fuhyoo….REALLY respect.

  • thunder

    read your blog everyday. just never got around to drop you any note. luv all your postings except all the football stuffs which I never failed to skip!

    can’t wait to read your nano.

  • simon

    inevitable – happened to me a million times.

    s-kay – bf should maybe give false number, save the trouble.

    essentric – yeah, it was meant to be a parody… the sepet director would prolly sue my pants off if it wasn’t!

    yvy – kulit tebal yeah… most of them donno how to take a hint one…

    thunder – thanks! nowadays very seldom post about footie oredi, no mood la. my nano ah? may not necessarily be made public!

  • mudslinger

    next time you tipu them lah (if you still don’t have insurance, that is).
    just say ‘i ada insurance already’. if they’re from company ‘A’, say you got from company ‘B’, and vice versa.

  • simon

    jayelle – anytime… anytime 🙂

    kiasi – i thot that one is KKCXL?

    zyrin – got guts, but very few meet want to meet them…

    mudslinger – something like i buy yours you buy mine la…

  • Pat

    Sadly, this is closer to the truth that I wish. The top two reasons why old (read lost) friends suddenly call me up are direct selling and insurance (in that order).

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