Valentine’s Day Is Almost Over. Phew.

Published by simon on February 14, 2007

Message from Ultra Thin Super Injection Slimming and Beauty Center for Valentine’s Day:

“Send your girlfriend a giant heart-shaped box of super rich Belgian chocolates. We’ll be right there for here for the aftermath. And your money.”

**-**

Message from Greenpeace for Valentine’s Day:

“Sure, send 144 red roses at super inflated prices, which will all probably die come Saturday. Then she’ll have nothing to do with them except throw it in the trash. Did you know flowers are basically dead hands of trees?”

**-**

Message from your local leading English newspaper for Valentine’s Day:

“Go ahead, do that spectacular stunt that you’re planning to do for your girl, like write a sky message with an small plane. Call us, we’ll send our best photographer there in a minute. We usually like to showcase the biggest V-Day money-spending sucker on the front page of our papers the next day.”

**-**

Voice message from Mom:

“I know you’re not doing anything tonight, coz you don’t have a girlfriend and all, but would it kill you to call your own mom once in awhile?! And by the way, this weekend bring back your bedsheet for me to wash. And do forget your dirty underwear…”

**-**

Message from your mail box:

“Tired of sending flowers and chocolates and teddy bears for Valentine’s Day every year? Try our new amazing new product! Strawberry flavoured pork chop ginger candy! Nothing says “I LOVE YOU” more than this tasty new treat!”

**-**

Strange call from an unidentified number:

“Hi, My name is Rajan, my friends call me “ROCKY“. You don’t know me, but i believe you know my GIRLFRIEND Candy. You left your wallet at her place last night, and i’ve kindly brought it back for YOU. Care to step outside your home a minute…?”

**-**

Note from your girlfriend:

“Thanks for the Valentine gift, very thoughtful of you. However, I hope you kept the receipt, I think you need to return it. I’m allergic to any metal that isn’t gold, silver or platinum, and your necklace has caused my neck to break out in a nasty rash…”

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