Top Ten Signs This Won’t Be a Great Chinese New Year for You

Published by simon on January 23, 2007

Top Ten Signs This Won’t Be a Great Chinese New Year for You

• Your neighbour’s kids have stockpiled enough fireworks to burn down a small island republic.
• You’re over 35 and not married. And you have 37 uncles and aunties who are extremely paat (nosy).
• Your parents home, where you’re gonna spend a week there, has no Astro, no internet connection, no DVD player. Only RTM1 and 2.
• Since last week, your parents have been dropping heavy hints that they are expecting a 12-course Chinese New Year dinner at the most expensive restaurant in town (Guess who’s paying…?).
• Last time you were here, your neighbour, who’s a pirated DVD kingpin, promised to ‘do you in’ the next time you showed your face ‘in his town’. (Something to do with you ‘looking at his girl the wrong way‘).
• Your parents and family have all embarked on this weird vegetarian power diet through the New Year. The only rule – no meat, no carb. (which means no bak kua, no yee sang, no everything…)
• It’s only the first day of the New Year, and you’re looking forward to coming back to work.
• Everyone says that this year, at age 30, you no longer eligible for ang pows anymore. Damn.
• For the one week of Chinese New Year, 15 people staying in the small house. And one toilet.

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