What to Get Your Girlfriend for Valentine/Birthday/Anniversary

Most attached guys I know face this problem: What to get your wife or girlfriend for her birthday? Or Valentine’s Day? Or your anniversary? Oh, that’s easy, some of you might say. Get her some flowers and chocolates. Sure, that works fine the first few times, but after a few years of courtship (assuming your girlfriend stays with you that long) you start running out of ideas.

There are those who never face this problem. That’s because they never buy their girlfriends anything. Why? I dunno. I suppose there’s a few reasons. Boyfriend is an ultra-cheapskate. Guy has a incredible ability to forget every important date (Most likely to get dumped). Girlfriend has an intense phobia against receiving gifts (OK, this one only exists in men’s dreams).Couple are hard-pressed for money and are saving for more important things together (OK, in this case, it be acceptable).

But for the rest of us, we have to shop around for good gifts 3 to 4 times a year (including Christmas for some people). But first let me say that I’m the type that loves shopping for gifts for my wife, heck, I just love shopping. I find it a thrilling challenge to seek out a really hard-to-get or ingenious present that will absolutely delight her. It’s not always an expensive item, sometimes a small meaningful gift can mean far more than an expensive one.

But for those prone to frantic, last minute shopping at the nearest petrol station mini-mart, here are some semi-precious tips, some I picked up myself, some I learnt from other masters:

Don’t buy her gift vouchers – The first unwritten rule. I don’t really know why this is so, but I adhere by it. It’s probably because the recipient can immediately tell how much you spent on it (and whether she thinks you’re a spendthrift or a cheapskate). The other problem might be it doesn’t take any effort to shop for it. You just walk into the store and buy it. So unless you’re buying RM1000 worth of vouchers at Salvatore Ferragamo which is her all time FAVOURITE store, remember this rule.

Listen to her – Right I know this might be like asking most guys to donate a liver, but believe it or not, most girls like to talk (yes, believe it or not). And while they talk about everything and anything under the sun, they will also talk about what they like, or suddenly let slip something they really wanted to have (you know, like a Freudian slip). To catch what she said, remember it, six months later presenting it to her (after scouring half the city) will score more marks with her than you will ever hope for. Remember that pearl pendant Ross bought for Rachel’s birthday in the first season of Friends? I have done it a few times, (opportunities like this don’t often come), but you’ll have to ask my wife about it.

Get it while you can – Sometimes you see something you know she will love, get it immediately (if the price is right) even though her birthday is 5 months away. Keep it in a secret place (just don’t forget where) then you can be assured of an awesome gift when the time comes. I once had a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to buy this great collector’s edition of a Barbie doll (retail price RM200, I paid less than 20% of that price). Since the source was rather clandestine, that opportunity will never come again.

Decide first, then look – Make sure you know what you want to buy, or at least 2 or 3 possibilities, then go look for something that sells it. Don’t wander around Isetan trying to think of something, you’ll get more misses than hits. Then as time runs out, you’ll start getting panicky. Decide what to buy, then go and get it. If you can’t find it, have a backup. If not, then you can panic.

Never tell her the price – the greatest golden rule. Hide your credit card statement. Better yet, pay cash (Remember folks, use Mastercard, not Visa). Keep receipt in safe place. Like, in a compartment in your car engine. Ahahaha. Never tell. Even if she asks, begs, cajoles, bullies. (actually if she bullies, you might consider your long term prospects with her…)

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More RTM shows Simon Does Not Miss From the 80’s

Further to my post last week, these might just jog some of your memories…:


More RTM shows Simon Does Not Miss From the 80’s:

• Hari Ini Dalam Sejarah. (or its English version, This Day in History)

• Those ‘informative’ short segments by Filem Negara Malaysia where they teach you how they make things, like wau (kite), statue of a parrot, gasing, etc.
• Falcon Crest. (Seemed like it went on and on and on…)
• Paint Along with Nancy. (Actually this one was quite good. She paints with a spatula!)
• Sapphire & Steel (What on earth is going on?!)
• Empat Sekawan (Don’t get me started on this one…)
• TV Pendidikan English Language shows featuring Bing and Bong! (and later Brogg.)
• Rasa Sayang. Comes on every festival holiday in the morning. You have Rasa Sayang Aidifitri, Rasa Sayang Tahun Baru Cina, Rasa Sayang Deepavali, etc. What’s it about? Never mind…
• Any TV show featuring A.R. Badul, Jamali Shadat or Hamid Ghurka.
• Peyton Place.

Related posts by Simon:

Top Ten Things Simon Does NOT Miss From The 80’s.




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Simon Watches Desperate Housewives…

I finally got to watch Desperate Housewives last night on Astro. My wife caught it last week on local TV, gave it good reviews, and some bloggers where just singing praises to it. Me? I spent enough time watching American TV to know you can’t judge a show on just a few episodes.

But it was quite promising, and I can understand the hype it generated in the US when it first premiered. It cleverly uses a lot of tested clichés and plot devices to hook the viewers in and bring them back the following week.

For those who didn’t catch it, it’s about 5 housewives who live in upper middle class surburbia America, with their everyday problems of screaming kids, affairs with the gardener, nosy neighbours, a bitchy temptress, cheating husbands, etc. One day one of the 5 kills herself, and opens an intriguing mystery which apparently involves an undercover cop (or hired killer, I dunno) and more deep dark secrets. You know, the usual.

I can foresee a few spin-offs and copycat shows sprouting out soon, bringing back the good ol’ days of TV ‘dramedy’ (drama-comedy) of the 80’s and 90’s (remember Thirtysomething? Felicity? Ally McBeal?)


Here are some I can think of, if I may suggest:

Desperate Illegal VCD Sellers – Tale of 4 close buddies working the Pandan Indah illegal VCD business. They live together and share all their joys and tears in life. One day, one of them is arrested by DBKL (he tripped on the road kerb while evading enforcement officers). What’s worse, everything falls apart when another one of them confesses to a deep, dark secret – he has a normal day job as a bank clerk! The ultimate betrayal!

Desperate Audit Accountants – a show about the steamy secret lives of audit accountants. Stealing office supplies for home use, serious muscle injury from lifting too many P.O. files, personal lives ruined due to spending too much time on datelines, scandal about travel claims and meal allowance fraud, geeky auditor guy falls for dorky girl client (‘forbidden love’…!). In short, the Most Boring Show on TV.

Mahasiswa Universiti Malaya Terdesak – Kisah cinta terlarang antara Rumi dan Juli, dua mahasiswa menara gading terunggul negara. Satu dari keluarga berada, satu lagi anak penarik beca. Walau pun segalanya keluarga berada, satu lagi anak penarik beca. Walau pun segalanya kelihatan sulit dan malap bagi dua kekasih ini, cinta mekar di bawah sinar bulan mengambang di atas Bukit Gasing…
(translation: boy meets girl. Yadda yadda yadda)

Desperate Cartoon Network – the sordid and sleazy untold tales of the Powerpuff Girls. Buttercups has been secretly having an affair with Johnny Bravo while boyfriend Johnny Quest is away on a mission. Bubbles comes out of the closet. Blossom one day unearths the horrifying truth that Professor X is actually the same guy as Samurai Jack! (Guest appearance by Batman and Ed, Edd and Eddy)

Desperate Bloggers – Simon watches too much TV. Belacans is actually a crocodile(#69). Jason has to clean toilets. 5xmom’s sons always ponteng class. Din talks to his car (like Michael Knight). Violetwings finds the identity of the mysterious blogger at her table… Shan has a Darth Maul in her closet… Anjali dreams of being on CSI (mmm… Warrick Brown…)

Top Ten Signs that Harry Potter & Hogwarts is in Malaysia

Everyone knows Harry Potter is from England. But where Hogwarts is located is still a great mystery. Well, I think it’s somewhere in Malaysia. And Harry Potter is actually Malaysian. Here’s ten reasons why.

Top Ten Signs that Harry Potter & Hogwarts is in Malaysia by Simon (who used to be an acolyte in the Dark Arts):

• Only KTM can come out with something like Platform 9 ¾.

• Tortured house elves. Abused foreign maids. See the connection?!

• School kids spend more time eating junk food and pulling pranks rather than studying.

• Schoolbooks and supplies are so expensive we need gold galleon to buy them. Same in Malaysia.

• Hand phones have no signal there (as mentioned in Book 5).

• Don’t the Hogwarts houses like Gryffindor & Slytherin remind you of your rumah sukan during your school sports day?

• Headmaster is a near-senile old man that doesn’t do anything until the sh!t has hit the fan.

• Nobody understands what the teachers are going on about during class.

• The Minister of Magic… well, I think I should know better…

• ‘Expecto Petronas!’. Enough said.
  

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Terrorism in London: White Dove

This post is for the London bombing victims. By and large, the average Malaysian has forgotten the incidents that took place a thousand miles away in a mat salleh country, putting it aside like yesterdays new (literally). But “while the sun goes down, the world goes by…”

(I suppose the Scorps, while infamous for a lot other things, did one thing right with this song…)

White Dove by the Scorpions

A place without a name, under a burning sky
There’s no milk and honey here in the land of God
Someone holds a sign, it says we are human, too
And while the sun goes down, the world goes by

White dove, fly with the wind
Take our hope under your wings
For the world to know, that hope will not die
Where the children cry

Waves, big like a house they’re stranded on a piece of wood
To leave it all behind, to start again
But instead of a new life, all they find is a door that’s closed
And they keep looking for a place called home

White dove, fly with the wind
Take our hope under your wings
For the world to know, that hope will not die
Where the children cry

Can anyone tell me why, the children of the world
Have to pay the price, and now your telling me
You’ve seen it all before I know that’s right but still it breaks my heart
Well, the golden lamb we sent, makes us feel better now
But you know it’s just a drop, in a sea of tears

White dove, fly with the wind
Take our hope under your wings
For the world to know, that hope will not die
Where the children cry



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Top Ten Surprises You WON’T Find in the new Harry Potter Book (And other useless facts)

Top Ten Surprises You WON’T Find in the new Harry Potter Book (And other useless facts) by Simon:

• Harry Potter goes to National Service in Terengganu. And suffers from Quidditch withdrawal symptoms. And gets his ass kicked by Malaysian students.

• J.K. Rowling seriously considered introducing a new sulking, Chewbacca-like villain in this new 6th book. The working title? “Harry Potter and the Hairy Pouter”.

• Harry finally realizes Voldermort is just a cheap rip-off from other villains like Darth Vader, Sauron and the White Witch.

• Harry starts smoking pot in Hogswarts toilet.

• To boost sales of the overpriced and over hyped books, author is tying in with cheesy spin-off merchandising like board games, Happy Meal toys, card games, dolls playset, T-shirts, mugs, bedsheets, children’s underwear, lunch boxes, etc. No wait, that has already happened…

• Harry finally realizes even HE is sick of himself. And Hagrid is a pathetic whiner with the mentality of a 7-year old.

• Protests by students from Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw demanding more air-time in books and movies. Their slogan is “Equality for Other Less Popular Houses”.

• Cho Chang sells kiss-and-tell memoirs about the boy wizard to the Observer for 3 million pounds.

• Ron Weasley finally comes out the closet and tells Harry & Hermione that he’s gay.

• Hermione Granger finally comes out the closet and tells Harry & Ron that she had a sex-change op 6 years ago.
  

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Something on Superhero Movies…

Superhero movies seem to be big box office hits these days. Batman, Fantastic Four, Daredevil, Spiderman, X-men, Elektra, MIB, Hellboy Super Sapiens, the list just goes on. There’ll be plenty more coming soon, if rumours are to be believed, including Ghost Rider.

But back in the late 70’s to early 90’s, this wasn’t the case. Most movies studios wouldn’t touch superhero flicks with a ten-foot pole. The only notable one from that era was none other than Krypton’s Kal-El, a.k.a Clark Kent a.k.a. Superman. For some strange reasons the first two movies did exceptionally well against the grain of the genre, at the same time catapulting Christopher Reeves into the big time.

However when Superman III came out, it was utter crap. Part IV was even worse, I doubt any comic fans can ever watch the last two installments without cringing.

Then sometime in 1989 Batman came out, broke all box-office records, and opened the floodgates for DC, Marvel, Image and the other comic houses to turn their paper heroes to films. Some scored big time, some sucked (Captain America? Spawn? Punisher? Shi? Catwoman?!).

It seems like right now all the studio execs are scouring DC and Marvel’s back catalogue of old issues to find the next big summer hit. It will only be time when someone starts hawking a script for Teen Titans, Preacher, the Watchers or Aquaman.

Anyway, just my thoughts and back story for my top ten list. Didn’t manage to get 10 though, so it’s more of 5 questions about comic superheroes.

• How on earth do all those heroines fit into those super-tight body-hugging spandex costumes? Liposuction?

• What is it with American boys’ and men’s fascination with Wonder Woman? Is it the costume? The lasso? Remember Robert Downey, Jr.?

• What about Groo?! How come nobody wants to make that movie?! It’ll be damn funny!

• How on earth do they select all those cool names for superhero team members? Like Cyborg, Gambit, Network, Starfire, White Witch? Do they use a dictionary? Or one of those Internet Name Generators?
  

I can’t think of another one, so I’ll just have to stop here. See you tomorrow.

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Malay Name Trends (But You’re Chinese…!)

First off, I don’t have a Malay name. Neither do my relatives (I dunno, maybe it’s because I’m Chinese?) But I spent 16 years in Malay schools and university (17, if you include kindergarten…), I’ve befriended hundreds and hundreds of Malay friends and neighbours.


And I’ve noticed trends come and go over the years when it comes to their names. But bear in mind this isn’t definitive, and dudes like MackZul can probably give a better account, but this is just my observation…

GIRLS

Born BEFORE 1970’s:

• What my friend calls ‘kampung’ names, with short form - Zabedah (Bedah), Latifah (Tipah), Fatimah (Timah), Maimunah (Maimun), Aminah (Minah), Sharifah (Rifah? Pah?).

Born DURING the 1970’s:

• The prefix Siti. Example – Siti Halijah, Siti Manisah, etc.
• The prefix Nur or Noor. Example – Nurashikin, Siti Noor Farizah, etc.
• Traditional names – Jamaliah, Rozilah, Mariam, etc.

Born in the 80’s and 90’s:

• English names – Sarah, Emilia, Lina, Mimi, Masha
• Super long names – Siti Nurfarahin Dayangku Intan, Noor Elfina Putri Syafinaz.

BOYS

Born BEFORE 1970’s:

• Ali
• Abdullah
• And those named after prophets.

Born DURING the 1970’s:

• Mostly ending with ‘din’. Example – Kamaruddin, Jamaluddin, Hairuddin.
• Mostly ending with ‘man’. Example – Leman, Azman, Rahman, Lokman, Suparman (no, really!).

Born in the 80’s and 90’s:

• English names. Example – Alex, Jeffrey, MackZul (I say, joking only aa?)
• Super long names – Mohd Dzicky Fyemmy Mohd Nor Azwan, Ahmad Iskandar Zulkarnain Al-Bukhari, etc.
• Indonesian names – Putra Kurniawan, Ismaryanto and some more I can’t remember (not that many around, but there definitely was a trend going)

Malaysian Chinese names? Don’t get me started. OK, I will, next week (*groan*…)

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A Thought on the London Blast… and Malaysia

As I am blogging this, news of the London blast is slowing filtering in via cable TV, newsfeed, e-mails and blogs.

Yesterday, London just won the right to host the 2012 Olympics. Then the G8 summit commenced.

Today, London is shell-shocked and in mourning.

Who is responsible and what their motives are is inconsequential at this juncture. What is more important is that an act of terrorism has taken place and human lives are lost.

Terrorism today knows no religion, creed, race, political boundaries or anything tangible as that. In recent years, Muslim countries have been bombed, European targets have been attacked, non-aligned / peaceful / neutral Asian countries have also not been spared.

I urge Malaysians to pray for the victims and their families of the blast. And pray also for the safety and peace in our very own country.

For every good, law-abiding person in Malaysian, there is another extremist/fanatic elsewhere that will do anything to further the cause he or she will readily die for. When terrorism is concerned, is anything possible, nothing is too sacred. Even our beloved country.

Pray for the safety of our nation, where ever your beliefs lie. Pray that our peaceful nation and cities do not become an ‘incident’ in a endemic war that we are not directly part or privy of.

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Top Ten Most Unpopular Jobs in Malaysia by Simon

Last I heard there are plenty of unemployed graduates out there. However, some jobs in Malaysia still stay unpopular for a variety of reasons, no matter what the economic situation the country is.

(Disclaimer: Before I get spam from trade unions accusing me of deriding their profession, let me clarify that all I’m saying is that the jobs are UNPOPULAR, not BAD. Heck, I used to work in some of these jobs.)



Top Ten Most Unpopular Jobs in Malaysia by Simon (who’s own job is only slightly less popular than these listed below…)

• External window cleaner for Twin Towers, KLCC.

• Male nurses.

• Credit card sales personnel in shopping centres.

• Portable toilet attendant (those used for carnivals, outdoor expos and construction sites)

• Ma piu poh.

• Opposition party worker.

• Personal finance / home loan telemarketer (actually, ANY kind of telemarketer…)

• QA/QC supervisor at Proton plant.

• Subtitle translator for local TV stations.

• Custodian at the Turf Club stables.
  

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