Top Ten Things Simon Just Realized Today, June 29, 2005

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, tomorrow marks the end of the first of 2005. That means 6 months has passed, another 6 more to 2006. I don’t know whether to celebrate or gripe. Regardless, this morning on the way to work, while in the traffic jam, I just realized a few things, in conjunction with this mid year milestone…

Top Ten Things Simon Just Realized Today, 29th June 2005

• He has just realized he has only achieved 2 items in his list of 25 resolutions for this year – ‘get through first half of the year without getting fired’ and ‘eat less complex carbohydrates’.

• He forgot to submit his tax returns. (OMG…!)
• The earlier in the month you get your monthly salary, the faster you run out of money. (It’s not even JULY yet!!)
• Out of the 9 goldfish he has, there is now only one, lone survivor (it’s like a reality show for pets… that neighbour’s cat better watch out…)
• The newspapers are getting more and more depressing everyday.
• Life without EPL kinda sucks.
• He has been wearing the same pair of office slacks for the past 3 days. (When is that salary review coming?! I need to go wardrobe shopping!)
• Every morning on the way, other drivers all make way and stay clear of his old junk car. (“No, no, dear… don’t drive too close to that car… it looks like its going to fall apart any moment…!”)
• The guy I buy newspapers from every morning looks a lot like Chow Yuen Fatt. (especially with that toothpick…)
• There are no public holidays in July. (Gaaaah….!).

Looks like another sloooow day…

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New Malaysian Political Terms

I have not been following the latest news for awhile. Apparently the correct term for vote-buying or corruption used in the newspapers is:

• Bribery / Corruption = ‘Money Politics’
  

Or in Bahasa Malaysia, the proper usage is as follows:

• Rasuah / Korupsi = ‘Politik Wang’
  

OK, I’m following so far. But here are some more popular Malaysian euphemisms, if I may suggest:

• Poison-Pen Letters = ‘Surat Layang’

• Letters in a shape of a Kite = ‘Surat Layang-layang’
• Poison-Pen SMS = ‘Sistem Utusan Ringkas Layang’
• White Collar Crime (Jenayah Kolar Putih) = ‘Jenayah Oleh Orang yang Kolar-nya dibasuh dengan Breeze’
• Blue Collar Crime (Jenayah Kolar Biru) = ‘Masalah Sosial Tenaga Pekerja Asing’
• Drug Abuse = ‘Penyalahgunaan Dadah’
• Your daughter downloading 200 ringtones and wallpapers a month = ‘Penyalahgunaan Telefon Bimbit’
• Small Fish = Technically, not ‘ikan kecil’ but ‘Ayam tambatan’.

• Big Fish = ‘Hampeh la engko, baik resign sendiri’
• ‘If I pay you RM2000, please vote for Datuk Simon’ = AFUNDI SIMON

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What Really Happened…

Mike – Why did you bring your baby here? You’re supposed to be working!

Jenny – Look, I’ve no choice! My babysitter cancelled at the last minute, my parents are out of town, and I can’t find anyone to look after her, so I had to bring her here!

Mike – Jenny, this is an important job! If we screw it up, our bosses at the station are SO going to fire us!

Jenny – No, no, Mike. Nothing’s going to happen, OK? You just do the interview, I’ll handle the camera with one hand and hold the baby with the other… She won’t cry, she’s such an angel.

Mike – Uh, I don’t know. I’ve got an uneasy feeling about this. Couldn’t you leave her in her cot here in the van? I’ll leave the air-conditioning running, at least we can get on job.

Jenny – I can’t do that, Mike! She’s just a baby! What if something happened to her? You’ve got to help me, Mike. Please? Remember when I covered for you when your mom was hospitalized? Huh, remember that?

Mike – Alright, alright. I’ll do the interview holding the microphone, and you handle the video camera AND the baby. Just make sure she doesn’t cry, OK? Gawd, if something goes wrong, my career as a reporter is down the drain, man. And you, you’ll probably never get another gig as a cameraman in this town again. Oops, I mean, camera-woman… Stop playing with the baby rattle!

Jenny – OK, calm down here he comes! Here comes Tom!

Mike – OK its show time! Let’s do one good, clean take…

Jenny – Oh, wait could you hold my baby’s squirt bottle for me? You’ve got one free hand, I can’t hold anything else…

Mike – Why can’t you leave it in the van…! Tom’s almost here! Oh alright… (grumbles…grumbles…) Tom, Tom, I’m Mike Smith from CNN UK, can I ask a few questions regarding your humanitarian work in Africa…

Jenny – NO, MIKE, DON’T SQUEEZE THE BABY BOTTLE LIKE THAT! YOU’RE GONNA SQUIRT IT ON MR. TOM CRUISE…!

Buy Apartment Also OK What?

Further to my entry last week about buying houses in the Klang Valley, let’s not forget those who stay in apartments. Most of my friends stay in apartments, and I’m pretty warm with the idea. Apartments (or condos, if the developer charges you RM20,000 more for the same thing) are usually in prime locations, near public transport and commercial areas like SS2 or Cheras.

The main factors people consider when buying apartments/condos are the price, location, near LRT/bus route or not, rental market, etc. You know, the usual things. But here are some more factors (but LESS popular) you should consider:


The view – Don’t waste an extra RM80k on a special view from your apartment, like KLCC or the Turf Club. Next year some other condo will come up and block view. Or they’ll build a highway right across your balcony, then you’ll have an excellent view of concrete and car exhaust fumes. Besides, 6 months a year Malaysians will enjoy uninterrupted, scenic view of the haze. Also, getting a fabulous view of the Twin Towers AND the DBKL oxidation pond is NOT a good trade off.


Swimming pool – Make sure your apartment unit is near the swimming pool, even if it’s a 6’ x 8’ wading pool. So if JBA decides to cut the water supply for the weekend, you trips to draw water with your laundry pails relatively nearer… But on the downside, you can also see if anything freaky is floating in the pool…

Penthouse units – Don’t get the top-most units. Why? When the water tank leaks / overflows, you’re the only unit to get affected. Fantastic view you say? Listen, the view of the illegal Indonesian kongsi from the 19th floor of your apartment is exactly the same as the 20th floor, man.

Roadside parking – If you can’t get a unit near the swimming pool, try to get one near the roadside parking. Now you will say that it would be noisy due to the traffic, right? But wait, if DBKL come and summon for illegal parking, you would the first to know, and the first to run down with your bathrobe to remove your car. Let’s face it, ALL Malaysian condos NEVER have enough parking lots.

The name – Choose a place with a cool, pseudo-French/olde English/Roman names, like Dorsett Heights, Le Meridien Towers, Plazza Impiana or something like that, to impress your friends. Telling everybody you stay at ‘Lumba Kuda Flats’ or ‘Casa de Pekeliling’ is just not on.

You can tell it’s another slow day for me…




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Obligatory PPS Bash Post

I just watch TechnoLAHgy’s Bash Video and it’s bloody good! Next year I bet there’s going to a live web-cast on PPS…

Well, with no photos to show and me being out travelling the major part of yesterday, I didn’t do a PPS write-up, and so I can only do one here today. But if you want an excellent post about it with lots of cool pics, head on to Jayelle’s site here. Some more got dramatic storyline of how she made it at the last minute from Subang…!

But if you want it all in a one-stop-centre, head over to Mudpond’s link post here. Yep, there you can find all the photos, write-ups, blurred-up faces, and “I-saw-who” stories.

So here’s who I got to meet:

‘Da Man’ Jeff Ooi – I recognized him instantly. We chatted awhile about USJ.com.my and the situation in the housing area. He’s very friendly, and all I envisioned him to be.

‘Mr. PPS’ Aizuddin – Siap dengan cigar lagi, tu… Another nice bloke, manning the registration.

‘Brand New’ MackZul – He said some really encouraging stuff to me about my blog, and girls, he’s a real charming guy!

‘Colour’ TV Smith – He’s so cool. I thought he looked a bit like Patrick Teoh! I told him about how he started me blogging, and shocking, he remembers my comments on his blog!

‘Black Metal’ Peter Tan – came late, must managed to say hi to him.

Dinzlink – nice chap, with his cap on. For him I gladly obliged a photo… To bad me no see 8555!

Prema – I was at the barwhen she introduced herself, sorry I was pre-occupied…

jack0 – Nice guy who introduced himself. Did you act in some commercial?

Lainie & Fip – Nice people, too bad we didn’t get to really chat.

Kenny – Nice of him to come and say hi, probably the most photographed guy of the night!

suanie – probably the most photographed girl of the night!

Pilotwings & friend- I’m afraid the cat is rather out of the bag, now, wouldn’t you say…?

ireneQ – first person to recognize me!

james – it was raining at the bar, OK?!

Elizabeth Tai - OMG, I just realized who you are! i’m so blur, say hi to sivin…

Desiderata – sorry i was out of cards, but my blog is always here…

(sorry if I missed out anyone...)

and I also got to see (but didn’t get to meet) so many people like minishorts, shaolin tiger, kimberlycun (who thot I was viewtru), lucia and so many others. Browse thru the pics and you get to see the crowd.

(and for those who didn’t make it, i’m not the one dancing on the bartop…)

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PPS Neophyte Blog of the Year: A Million Thanks!

At the very last minute, I decided to go to the PPS Birthday Bash last night. Sorry Aizuddin, for not registering at the VOIWiki and pre-ordering my food!

But the desire to meet the heavyweight bloggers who inspire me on a daily basis was too much for me – Jeff Ooi (the greatest blogger in Malaysia), MackZul (for saying it as it is), Aizuddin (no Aiz, no PPS) and TV Smith (his blog got me started). (but 5xmom wasn’t coming…)

(Yeah, and also to pick up my PPS T-shirts and save on the posting charges!)

I sincerely never thought I would win, as I was up against some really popular blogs, Mudpond and Jaded. So when they announced my name for the Neophyte award, i was really stunned and was practically speechless (yeah, those who were there can attest to that…!)

Many, many thanks to all who nominated for me, and for those who voted for me… A million thanks, and your support and readership means the world to the lowly-paid construction man who also happens to blog… (I’m refering to me, if you didn’t catch that…

(sorry to everyone for the ‘no photos’, i really dont want to be a bother but I really owe people a lot of money, so I have to stay anonymous! So thanks to sixthseal, leona and minishorts for obliging.)

Congrats to Kenny and Jeff for their awards! Mine was only a khe-leh-feh award, theirs were the big ones!


(by the way, pilotwings, :p ! )

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PPS: Happy Birthday, Here’s To Many More

Happy 2nd Birthday, PPS.

The coming years for our blog-tal is like an infinite open road, our future is what we want to make it to be.

Here’s to many, many more good years. Right Aiz?

(Couldn’t find a more appropriate original photo, so this one will have to do!)

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What Sex Is Your Car?

I just learnt a new fact yesterday, from another blogger. You can tell the gender of a car by the shape of it. If it’s a boxy, squarish shape, it’s a MALE car. If it’s rounded in shape, then is a FEMALE car.

Guess who taught me this? None othert than our very own celebrity blogging car 8555. By his definition, a Proton Iswara is male, and Lotus Elise is female. And since him being a car and all, I’m taking his word for it (I think he knows his kind better…)

So that got me thinking: What gender are all the other cars in Malaysia? Male? Female? Transsexual / Ah Kua / Hermaphrodite (mixture of squarish and rounded shape)? Here goes:


(Disclaimer: Before I get another round of spam from disgruntled readers, it’s the gender of the CAR we’re talking about here, NOT the gender of the DRIVERS, OK?!)


Proton Tiara – Male.

Honda City – Male (but then why all those racer-boy Ah Bengs love it so much?)

Proton Wira – Female.

Perodua Kelisa – Frankly, looks transsexual to me.

Kia Picanto – Surely female?

Proton Juara – Definitely, one hundred percent, MALE.

Perodua Kembara – one of the very few female 4-WDs.

Perodua Kenari / Toyota Unser / Toyota Avanza - Male, male, male.

Toyota Vios – Female (thank God, Pat!)

Toyota Altis – I say male, my wife say female. So it’s an Transsexual.

Kia Optima – Male (I’m very sad to break this to you, Pat…)

Naza Ria – My wife says male, 5xmom…

Kia Rio – Oh, man. That’s so female.

All common Mercedes / BMW / Volvo cars – mostly males (except the convertibles…)

Hyundai Elantra – Transsexual.

Hyundai Accent – Transsexual.

Hyundai Matrix – Transsexual. I’m beginning to see the trend with Hyundai here…



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So Where to Buy a House?

Almost everyone I meet between the 24 to 30 age range like to talk about buying houses in the Klang Valley. It’s that age when we start working, plan to get married, so everyone needs a house to call their own. But being average income earners, we are limited in our choices of where to buy property, be it landed or apartments. To get a cheap house, you either buy far from the city, or settle for an apartment, but nearer.

But one thing I always hear is the ever-ready negative comments about all these places. These people always repeat it everytime the topic comes up. Presumably, these people are the fortunate ones who’s parents have bought them nice houses in PJ SS2 / Kenny Hills / Bandar Utama / Ampang or any place with the word ‘Damansara’ in it.

Yeah sure, YOU don’t have to work your fingers to the bone to repay huge loans for a crummy 18’ x 60’ house, so do us a favour and stay in your mansions next to the golf course, OK?


Given below are those ACTUAL comments I have heard through the years.

Kepong – Eeeyer! Dowan to stay there la. Very cinapek (‘Chinaman’) place, if you buy house there then you stay next to taxi drivers and fish mongers. Some more you see all those stalls at the side of the road selling fruits and stuff, eeyer… Can’t believe people can stay that kind of place.

Kota Damansara – Traffic jam lah crazy, man. Everybody want to use Sony exit and Penchala link, some more got so many condos and housing areas there. Everything also so expensive, one. And then on weekends the whole place jammed up, all those people going to Ikea, the Curve, Ikano, Tesco, 1 Utama new wing, 1 Utama old wing, etc…

Sg. Buloh – You want to stay next to the jail, aa?

Puchong – Wah, that one all tin mining land lah! Afters your house got sinkhole then you know. Then last time you remember Puchong got crocodile? Not only that, I heard its near the rubbish incinerator, everyday smell rotting garbage. The houses there all not nice, all square-square one, some more got to pay LDP toll.

Sri Damansara – So far from PJ. And then so near to Kepong, trust me lar, the house value won’t go up one…

Klang – Wah, you crazy, aa? So far! Don’t care how cheap-lah, no way I’m staying there, man! My engineer friend say Klang the soil all not good one, you house sure got cracks and potholes one. Everyday you spends so much on toll, better I stay somewhere nearer. Everybody say the river so smelly. And I also cannot speak Hokkien…

Balakong / Seri Kembangan – Aiyeeeer! That place the roads got no system one, some more all the gangsters stay there. Everytime I pass there I always see the squatters and Chinese new village, if you buy there your house where got resale value…

Bandar Sg. Long / Kajang / Bangi / Bukit Beruntung / Kota Kemuning – Crazy aa? Stay so far for what?

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Top Ten Most Frequently Asked Questions About Project Petaling Street

PPS turns two years old tomorrow, June 23rd. I’ve only been a member for a short time, but I’ve been introduced to some fabulous sites and bloggers here. So as a tribute to the Malaysian institution and it’s impact on the local bloggers and readers, I’d like to do my part to promote the PPS. There is already an FAQ at the site, but below are some queries NOT addressed there.

Top Ten Most Frequently Asked Questions About Project Petaling Street

How do I get there?
Turn right on Jalan Cheng Lock after Kotaraya Complex, towards Sambanthan. Oh, you meant the website, is it? It’s at http://www.petalingstreet.org/

Why is PPS only in black and white?
License for black and white websites are cheaper than colour websites. Just like TV licenses.

I notice they use the word ‘blog-tal’ to describe the site. What does it mean?
It’s a French-Canadian accounting term, short for Banking Ledger Overdraft Gross toTAL. Now you know.

How many pings are there in the PPS database?
48,888. Simon guessed the correct number in some online contest. But they refuse to acknowledge my correct entry!

How many members are there in the PPS?
On the last count there were actually 1414, but Chinese superstitions forbids us to use that number. So when people ask, we answer 13A13A.

How much does PPS make from the advertising on the page?
About RM84,000 a month. The co-founders have Swiss bank accounts and drive Mercedes CLKs.

Are there any famous people or celebrities ping to PPS?
Yes, rumour has it there’s a former PM, and a few cabinet ministers and two or three top senior police officers. No, their pseudonyms are not known… Now you can’t say you weren’t warned…

How many pings does PPS get in a day?
It depends. Usually, about 100, based on my estimates. Except when the server runs out of bandwidth, then we only get like 4 a day… (boy, Aiz isn’t gonna be happy about this one…!)

Are there any future expansion plans for PPS?
Yes, they are looking at online bill payments, video-blog pings, corporate sponsorship by a major fat-reduction/slimming centre, a PPS-inspired reality show (‘The Apprentice’ ‘The Ah-Ping!-tice’), etc. Stay tuned, folks.

Who is going to win Akademi Fantasia 3?
Mawi. Or Felix. (I can’t believe I just answered that!)

(For further reading on the background of the PPS name and co-founder, please also read this posting.)

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