Ever get asked a question that you can’t answer but don’t want to show your ignorance?Or don’t want to lose face in front of everybody even though you didn’t finish primary school?Or want to show that you’re smarter than everyone else (but actually you’re the opposite)? Don’t worry, Simon is here!Learn to be a smart-alec with these fantastic example answers! Learn the tricks and soon people will think you have a PhD! Is so simple!!(If you would like to buy the complete DVD training course, send USD$399.90 to me) Sample smart answers to ANY random intelligent questions:Question: What do you think is the primary reason for the change in ratings…

I remember a few years ago a friend of mine was actively looking for a girlfriend. Nothing wrong with him, nice guy, good job, decent car, okay in the looks department (not Brad Pitt, but still okay). But no girlfriend. And he was tired of not meeting any girls. So he set out to find one. I don’t know the details of how he went about ‘finding’ a girlfriend (with a shovel? A magnet? A Lotus Esprit?) but he DID succeed. The relationship didn’t last long, and about a year or so he was unattached again. He’ll probably meet more girls if, say, he was selling perfume at the L’Oreal…

This is what happens to me on the way back from work everyday in the car: (Turns on car radio to Mix FM)Ewww. Cannot tahan this annoying DJ. Thinks he’s God’s gift to women. Ble-eech. (Switches to Hitz FM) (Listens to songs for 5 minutes.) Yecch, why do they keep playing this song? Its 3 months old and they still play it 10 times a day. Some more on all 4 radio stations…. (Switches over to Light & Easy) (Listens to elevator music for 2 minutes and 17 seconds) Yawn. I’m growing old listening to this. When are they bring back ‘Classic Rock’? (Switches back to Mix FM) (Listens to…

While he was asked. “Who gives away the bride?”, the above song must be humming in the father’s head… To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish ’till death do us part. Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. Congratulations, from the Family, and the Fountain. Finally… Back to main page.

This will be the last Star Wars posting. I promise (fingers crossed). Next week the Batman jokes and parodies will commence. (Unless I do the Fantastic Four ones first) Darth Vader’s helmet comes with MP3 player with headphones, X-ray vision to gawk at the female aliens, and need 2 coats of turtle wax everyday. George Lucas modeled the character Darth Sidious/Emperor Palpatine after certain Malaysian retired politician. Some symbolisms to satisfy the Da Vinci Code fans : Lightsabers = male phallic symbols. Death Star = female fertility symbol (?) When the Scottish actor Ewan MacGregor grows old years from now, he will look mysteriously like Alec Guinness. Yoda is gay…

Evidently, I have been nominated for the Neophyte of the Year Award in the PPS 2nd Anniversary celebrations. I am very surprised how this happened, seeing that my blog usually has only two readers. If you like this blog and wish to vote for it (and have not voted for the other two great blogs) you can do so here. If you missed that, here it is again. I just hope I can get more than two votes, I up against some really popular blogs. Hopefully, Aizuddin and the good people at PPS will not publish the results of the voting, it would be really embarrassing for everyone to see…

I was at a great seminar for a couple of days, very inspiring and informative. But in between to good parts, there were some slow moments. Some of my colleagues scuplted beautiful things with the Play-Doh (provided by the organizers). I did that but didn’t like the oily residue on my hands, so I started doing something I haven’t been doing for years – pencil sketching. Amid my colleague’s comments of “Gee, you’re one disturbed dude” and “What on EARTH is that?”, here are some of my favourites (Let me just say I’m NOT very good at this drawing stuff): We’ll start with the typical “Imposing Dark Mountain in Moonlight”…

Anyways before I go off, here’s something to cheer up all of you stuck in the office/home for the next few days, suffering middle-of-the-year crisis/depression… Top Ten Things to Look Forward to This June (Since its June 1st) Only six months to the next bonus! At least 2 weeks of (relatively) good traffic due to the school holidays (I’m the KING OF THE ROAD!!!!) More interesting mails on ‘cheap drugs’ and ‘online degrees’ spamming your mailbox. With football season over, so much golf to watch on TV! (BOO-OORING…) Malaysian Idol!!! AND Akademi Fantasia!!! Woo-hoo!! (yes, I AM joking.) The ultimate joys of seeing your just-washed-and-waxed car get re-washed in the…

This will be a short blog before I take a little break for a few days. This week marks 16 years since the Tiananmen Massacre in 1989. Yes, my friends, it was a massacre. The story a nutshell, was a culmination of decades and decades of oppressive communism. On April 15, 1989, disgraced Communist Party chairman Hu Yao-bang passed on. He was a liberal reformer ousted in 1987 for not halting student demonstrations for democracy and human rights. His death triggered peaceful marches and protests from Beijing university students, who had largely viewed him as silent revolutionary in the Red party regime. They danced and debated politics in Tiananmen Square,…

I read with interest Silencers’ funny entry about playing our national anthem in cinemas, which was followed by 5xmom’s take on the subject. It seems to me the people in charge are not really tackling the root of the problem, which is the declining respect for the ‘Negaraku’ among the younger generation. When I was in school, I had to sing 3 songs at assembly every week: ‘Negaraku’, our school song and ‘Setia’ (OK, don’t ask me about that last one). All my friends from different schools had the same opinion – “The song is BO-ORRING!!” So the big boys in charge introduce a marching beat version. Slight improvement, but…