Mom: Lilian ah, Lilian? Did you read yesterday’s headlines? This girl got 17 A1’s in her SPM! She broke the record!! Lilian: Uh-uh…. Mom: Lilian! Are you even listening?! What are you doing? Are you watching MTV again? I thought I told you NO WATCHING TV during weekdays and weekends!! Lilian: Awww, mom…! I never get to watch any TV! And this is my favourite show. And besides, the papers say students should watch more TV to improve our Eng-ger-rish, right, mom? Mom: NO TV DURING WEEKDAYS AND WEEKENDS! And don’t try to be funny with me, OK? (Lilian makes a face and dutifully turns off the TV) Mom: Now…

For small time investors like me, I find that the Internet is a great place to find information and resources on all things financial – stock quotes, biz news, investment advice, property market indices, etc. There are thousands of sites on the Net about these topics, but very few are local-centric, and even fewer that are good. These are a few of the sites I find useful. If you know of any good ones, please feel free to suggest: You may think that the Bursa Malaysia homepage is a no-brainer, but it has the fastest stock quotes available – 15 minutes delay. For value investors like me, live quotes doesn’t…

Today I’m too busy to blog, I’ll tell a few lame jokes… Question: What goes black-white-black-white- black-white-black…?Answer: A nun rolling down a hill. Question: What goes black-white-“Ha-ha”?Answer: The nun who kicked her down. (No offence to nuns or monks intended) Question: What do misers do when it’s cold?Answer: They sit around a candle.Question: What do misers do when it’s VERY cold?Answer: They light the candle. (No offence to misers or tycoons intended) Question: How do you shoot a white elephant?Answer: With a white elephant gun.Question: How do you shoot a pink elephant?Answer: First you paint the elephant white… Question: How do you put an elephant into a matchbox?Answer: First you…

My research and experience shows the following questions are the most common questions asked by job interviewers. And given below is how most people would REALLY want to answer them… So why did you leave your last job?I couldn’t work with my previous boss. He kept asking me to do work. On Monday mornings! And sometimes on Wednesdays, too. Slave driver. But if you call him up and check up on his story, he might mention that incident with the photocopy machine. Its all LIES, I tell you! LIES, you hear me?!We have a performance-driven, high pressure and competitive working environment here. Are you sure you can handle it?Wow, performance…

Unlike in US and UK, bumper stickers aren’t very popular in Malaysia. It’s not hard too see why. Most Malaysians don’t like to stick anything on their expensive cars, lest they damage the beautiful paint work. And besides, Malaysians’ weird sense of humour doesn’t really sound funny anymore when it’s written down on a small sticker. Some American stickers are popular here, like these seen in my office parking lot: “This car is insured by the MAFIA“ “Clap! Clap! Clap! Thank you for not laughing at my car!” “Do Not Wash! This car is undergoing a dirt test…” “My Other car is a Porsche.” Then there are the rare local-humour…

Just met up with an ex-colleague yesterday. He was getting some documents ready to send his daughter to UK for studies. We chatted awhile, and I found out that he had been out of a job since my previous company axed him 6 months ago, along with a dozen or so of my other ex-colleagues. My previous job was at a construction project in our new federal administrative capital, spanning more than three years. In that lengthy tenure, the size of the project team started with about 20 and peaked at about 100 people. All in all we probably saw about 200 people join and leave. And I probably knew…

Question:If a friend or ex-colleague of yours, whom you haven’t seen or heard from for 5 or 6 years calls you up, makes small talk, asks about your family, then asks “Can I come and see you this weekend?”, what do you think he wants? Answer:Well, I can think of a few possible answers. Let’s review them one by one, shall we?Answer 1:He wants to sell you insurance. Or some MLM crap he just joined. Happened to me a million times. You know, they join these companies and they teach you to find your ‘warm’ contacts first, blah blah blah. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against buying insurance…

Here’s a great way to improve your mangled Malaysian English. Actually, the list is in no way complete, just a few that fly around my office everyday. And every other office in Malaysia…Cinapek – I suppose its short for ‘Cina Ah Pek’. More polite version would be ‘Chinaman’.Example: ‘Don’t want to go to UE3, lah. That place so cinapek, one’ Cinabeng – Same as above, slightly cruder. Short for ‘Cina Ah Beng’. Mostly used by non-Chinese folks.Example: ‘Cinabeng-la lu.’ Cap Palang – So named from those TV ads from the 80’s testing products with ‘brand X’.Example: ‘This car so cap palang one, throw away lah.’ Gostan – Move in reverse.…

Petrol companies in MalaysiaBP, Shell, Esso, Mobil, Petronas, ProJet, Caltex International fast-food franchises in MalaysiaMcDonalds, KFC, Pizza Hut, Domino’s, Burger Kings, A&W, Shakey’s Pizza, Kenny Rogers. Failed international fast-food franchises in MalaysiaWendy’s, Carl’s Jr., White Castle, Grandy’s, MOS Burger, plenty more I can’t recall. Remaining local banks in MalaysiaMaybank, Public Bank, Southern Bank, Alliance Bank, Hong Leong Bank, Affin Bank, EON Bank, Southern Bank, Bumiputra-Commerce Bank, AmBank Proton car models (not including aerobacks)Saga, Wira, Iswara, Putra, Juara (Malaysia’s ugliest car), Limo, Satria, Waja, Gen.2, Tiara, Knight, Perdana, Cares (I’m not counting that RM4000 Proton bicycle) Hypermarkets in MalaysiaTesco, Giant, Makro, Carrefour (Jusco doesn’t count) Colours of the rainbowViolet, Indigo, Green,…

Astro re-running some old TV shows from the 80’s their channel 70. Most of us don’t get to watch them since they are usually shown during the day time, unless you work at home or are on leave. Some of the ones that are doing the rounds are Knight Rider, Magnum P.I., MacGyver, Family Ties and The Bold & the Beautiful. Here are some more shows I’d like to see them re-run just for the camp value: The Greatest American Hero – Man, this show was fun. Great song, Connie Selleca and that funny bumbling hero with the Chinese word on his chest. As I recall it used to run…