My calendar tells me there’s one more week to Hari Raya. No, I don’t have one of those talking calendars, it’s just a figure of speech. Anyways, for those of you who are not Malaysians (yeah, like any of THOSE people read this blog…) Hari Raya is the local name for Aidil Fitri, the biggest celebration for Muslims.
And it’s the biggest holiday stretch in Malaysia. Double it up with Deepavali (the Hindu Festival of Lights) just two days before, you have the biggest human exodus in the country. Bigger than Chinese New Year (for the benefit of non-Malaysians, it’s… oh, never mind…)
These few days the traffic has been uncharacteristically heavy in the evenings, but I’m kinda immune to horrendous traffic these days. Anyway there’s an easy way out – wait until after 7pm and the traffic relatively clears (Note I said ‘relatively’). Unless it rains. Then all hell breaks loose.
I’m not doing another top ten list, but I’ll list down some things that cause traffic congestion in KL, fasting month or not. There, coincidentally, are probably ten reasons on the list. Anyway, the causes for reasons for jams:
- Moronic drivers that stop in the yellow box, because they think that when the traffic light turn yellow, it means ‘still can go’ or ‘drive faster’.
- Moronic driver that don’t know how to queue at traffic lights and toll gates. Moronic drivers. Did I mention that these drivers are moronic? Morons.
- Fallen tree branch on the road. Drivers can tahan a 2-hour jam caused by it, but can’t spare 2 minutes to move it aside.
- Flood on the road. Due to rubbish and debris clogging the drains, which are too small to cater for the stormwater and surface runoff caused by over-development and inconsiderate fly-by-night developers.
- Potholes. Apparently, these are the footprints of giant mammoths that roam the KL streets after midnight.
- Stalled car. It only happens during peak hour. In the middle lane of the 3 lane highway.
- Road accident.
- Curious on-lookers and 4-D hunters looking and admiring the abovementioned road accident. Even if the number-plate is smashed to a million pieces, the entire group will patiently fix it back to see the number, while traffic is honking at them.
- Miss Malaysia standing at the roadside.
- Ah kua’s (transvestites) standing at the roadside. The queue is longer than Miss Malaysia’s queue.
- Road accident caused by car hitting pothole and fallen branch while distracted by Miss Transvestite Malaysia while in the yellow box.
11 Comments
yuin
ROFL!
reminds me of a story told by my highschool teacher..
if you see a car or lorry turn turtle must take number because sure kena big one. but until now havent see before car’s upside down, or people kena lottery from that.
coppersnare
Hey I’m not a Malaysian and I read your blog.
Ah, Malaysian traffic. My worst ever experience was the 2.5 hour drive from Kelana Jaya to Sunway. Yes it’s that bad. And my friend was waiting in Sunway to belanja me dinner! The pizza sure was cold when I finally got there.
Inevitable
LOL!! Funny post man and … I hate to admit it but it is so damn true
egghead
Last week, I just saw a guy on motorbike purposely stop in front of a wrecked car… slowly take out a piece of paper and a pen… wrote down “something”… then keep the paper in his pocket… and ride away…
hcfoo
Another cause of jam is police roadblocks… dah lah the traffic already very slow, these police choose the most unsuitable spot to carry out their duties.
lilian
Now this auntie will probably be looking out for ALL ten signs and hence, slowing traffic down even further.
If I don’t catch you later, Selamat DeepaRaya. I am off to dunnowhere this weekend. Woohoo, after these are over, it is Christmas and after that it is New year and …..ok, ok, too much sugar this morning.
lucia
the cause for traffic jam should be only:
MORONIC DRIVERS
and nothing else.
people. people. it’s always people that is the reason. (oops. that include me too)
S-Kay
I’m really curious to how Malaysians’ mind work man. Kejap got jam in the morning at my area, kejap don’t have. Sometimes I leave early because I dun wanna get caught in the jam but I end up reaching early because there’s NO JAM and another day I left late because I thought no jam, I end up arriving late because GOT JAM.
suzette
quote: “Stalled car. It only happens during peak hour. In the middle lane of the 3 lane highway.”
Note the worst. I’ve seen many time: ‘In the middle of two lanes of 2 or 3 lane highway’…
fred
hahaha… yesterday my mom told, accident happen in front of my house.. and the first question i ask is what is the plate number? 🙂
simon
looks like jams affect ALL Malaysian ALL over the country, even in Sarawak!