I Survived Two Days of Seminar: A True Story

I was holed up at this convention centre for the last week attending this international seminar. I can’t remember much about the seminar, it was something to do with my work I think. I only went for the awesome complimentary bag for the participants. And the food.

This wasn’t a small seminar of 50 people, no siree, bob. There were like 600 people in attendance, mostly wearing their spiffy navy blue suits (except me, I was wearing my short sleeve company shirt. Don’t expect to see my pic appearing in the trade newsletters). I later found out that most of the attendees were actually from the nationwide branches of a few multi-national corporations across Malaysia.

Things started off well enough for this 2-day conference.

Day One, mid-morning:
Attendance: 500+
Everybody is fresh and listening attentively to the VIP CEO of this huge corp tell stale jokes in the opening speech.
My boss, who is with me, is busy trying to secretly snap pictures of the speaker and other famous people with his pathetic camera phone. We’re sitting at the 8th row from the back. I’m not too excited to see the photos when he circulates them around the office tomorrow.

Day One, afternoon:
Attendance: a little less than 500.
After the high profile speakers in the morning, it’s the lesser known chaps’ turn on the rostrum. And everyone is giving their lesser attention. My boss is making lecherous remarks about the women in attendees. I’m busy pretending to pay attention to the boring lectures.

Day One, late afternoon:
Attendance: 300+. Apparently, some of the outstation delegates have snuck off back to their hotel rooms to sleep off. Or go shopping.
My boss is now complaining about the disappointing quality of the tea time food. Every five minutes he flips through the conference souvenir programme book. I trying my best to stay awake as some Professor up on stage is mangling the English language.

Day one ends about 6.30pm. I’ve a splitting headache.

***

Day Two, mid-morning:
Hall looks half empty, so I’m thinking about 300 people are in there.
My boss still isn’t back from his extended breakfast at the mamak stall across the road from our convention center. I don’t see him until just before lunch.
Whole morning I am still in shock about how dirty and smelly the toilet is in this place. Hah! International convention centre, konon.

Day Two, afternoon:
I didn’t think it as possible, but the lunch was worse than yesterday’s. And the second day’s speakers are getting worse. I’m thinking that they start with the best speakers on the morning of the first day, then they get progressively by the time they reach the end of Day Two. At this rate, the last speaker might turn out to be my Primary 2 class teacher. My boss keeps making these cigarette breaks outside the hall.
I’m reduced to doodling on my writing pad.

Day Two, 6.30pm:
MERDEKA!

25 Years of MTV

This year marks the 25th anniversary of Music Television, or better known by its three-letter-acronym, MTV. There was an article featured on digg.com last week highlighting the 10 ways the upstart channel changed the world.

Here in Malaysia, we get the sort of a lite version of it called MTV Asia, which is pretty much the same content as the American counterpart, minus some programs and videos deemed not appropriate for ‘Asian values’. In it’s place there are locally or regionally produced shows like MTV Jus and request programs.

One of the biggest gripe that the younger generation have with MTV these past few years is that they have actually killed the very content that they are supposed to glorify, the music video itself. Gone are the days in the early 80’s through the late nineties when they actually showed videos for hours and hours on end. Produced shows like ‘Real World’ and ‘Laguna Beach’ were few and limited to a certain time in the day. Those days you could see the hot video of the day played at least once every hour, I remember when La Isla Bonita by Madonna and Unskinny Bop by Motley Crue where those hot videos. Want to see it? Just keep watching. It’ll pop up before long.

Nowadays, they show too many of these produced shows like Pop Inc and TRL, and the slew of reality shows like Making The Band, Newlyweds and the Osbournes (although with ‘Real World’, MTV can lay a serious claim to inventing the genre).

Of course, on the subject of the type of music they play, is a general reflection of music tastes of their key 18-25 demograph – these days rap and hip-hop are the big money spinners and they play it predominantly and if you’re the type who doesn’t like, you don’t watch a lot of MTV. Similarly, back in the late 80’s, Headbanger’s Ball was THE most popular show on MTV, mirroring young America’s obsession with glam hair bands and darker heavy metal. Then in the early nineties, grunge killed the metal dinosaur and ‘Unplugged’ was the top show of the day.

Nowadays, After School Rock is the only representation of rock or metal, but it’s just pathetic, recycling the modern rock tracks they play all the time anyway. (Headbanger’s Ball was recently been resurrected on MTV2, but we don’t get it.)

These days, I only regularly watch 2 shows on MTV – Cribs and Pimp My Ride (ironically both non-music related). There’s another one is technically MTV – it’s those VH1 shows like “Behind The Music” and “Top 40 Most Awesomely Bad…” shows. I just love them…

Technorati Tags: MTV, VH1, TRL, Headbanger’s Ball, metal, rock, music

Top Ten Overused Cliched Scene Locations in Hong Kong Cantonese TV Serials

Was watching a Hong Kong Cantonese TV series the other night. Actually, i wasn’t watching it, my wife was, i was just lounging around. I’ve blogged about Hong Kong Cantonese serials before, comes with living with people who religiously watch them on videotape, TV and Astro for more than 20 years.

The thing is with tight-budgeted family / police / relationship drama-comedy serials is that they tend to re-use location sets. Watch any one show for a few episodes and you’ll see what i mean.

Top Ten Overused Clichéd Scene Locations in Hong Kong Cantonese TV Serials

At night, on a park bench – Usually for the main character when he is depressed or facing a big problem in life, then he will meet this girl who has a secret crush on, then he pours out his problems to her… Unlike Malaysia, the parks over there are kept immaculately clean, and there are no gangs of hooligans defacing public property, kooky vagrants wandering around aimlessly…

The police station staff room – where all the chatter takes place among the policemen. Usually with a large ‘sun thoi‘ (altar) in the background.

Family dinner table – where the family gathers for lavish dinner spread. You know the Chinese and their food lah. The foold is always nicely laid out, but the actors are seldom seen actually eating it. And strangely, they all only sit on one side of the table, even if everyone squeezes on the other side. No idea why.

In the living room – But the TV is never switched on.

In the office – always modernly decorated, usually with new teak furniture. Always also neat and tidy. Never cluttered like a real office. They must pay their cleaners good money.

At the coffeehouse – (With an English pop ballad playing in the back ground), this is where they meet up with friends to discuss a life and death situation. Over a cup of black coffee. Served by a khe-le-feh (extra) wearing bowtie and vest. If it wasn’t a life and death situation, they’ll meet…

At a coffeshop – (there’s a vast difference between a ‘coffeeshop’ and ‘coffeehouse’ here) No background music here, and an old man in a white shirt takes your order. And instead of black coffee, you order ‘nai char‘ (milk tea).

Seaside – their seaside is more like our riversides, with a green railing to deter suiciders. It’s always windy, and the actors are wearing heavy coats and scars. If they show the beach, it’s always rocky, without much sand.

Sidelane, eating fishball-on-a-stick from a pushcart vendor – If you’re lucky, the cops come and you’ll get to see the pushcart people run for their lives – while pushing the thing.

Rich man’s house, living room – 4 rich tai-tai’s playing the Hong Kong national sport – mahjong. While gossiping about their neighbours and bragging about everything they have. I dunno, maybe gambling is more ‘legal’ than around here…

Technorati Tags: Hong Kong, Cantonese, TV series, TV Serials, Malaysia, Chinese

Anyone Remember Vanilla Ice?

Oooh, who can forget him? The white boy with the solidly gelled-up hairdo and the raised eyebrow, making strange signs with his fingers (doesn’t it look strangely like the Vulcan welcome gesture?) and making everyone suddenly start thinking rap is cool and clean fun?

(Sidenote: This is the second in the start-stop series of Anyone Remember… series, where I reminiscent about some forgotten star of the 80’s and 70’s. The first one was Milli Vanilli. Boy, was that a good one…! End of sidenote.)

In 1990-91, ‘Ice Ice Baby’ was everywhere, man. My neighbour was so into it, he went out and bought the tape, and played it at full volume on his boombox (to the annoyance of his grandmother), while he tried to keep up with the lyrics in the liner notes.

Speaking of lyrics, Ice Ice Baby has got to be a poetic masterpiece. Who else can come up rhymes like (my comments in red):

• “Something grabs a hold of me tightly , Flow like a harpoon daily and nightly” (WHO uses a harpoon 24 hours a daily? Captain Ahab?!)
• “To the extreme I rock a mic like a vandal , Light up a stage and wax a chump like a candle” (what’s a chump? And what’s it doing waxing a candle?)
• “I’m cooking MC’s like a pound of bacon, Burning them if you ain’t quick and nimble” eight balls?! no comment…)

Yes, yes, its one of those things from the 80’s that is unbelievably corny like shoulder pads and Teen Wolf.

Below: shoulder pads.

Below: Teen Wolf!

My friend Ray told me he tried to record a cover version with a few other friends once. To get the sound effects in the opening bars, they put some rice grains in a glass bottle, and used the cymbals on the church drums. Then you can imagine a Malaysian Chinese ah beng trying to rap like Vanilla Ice (yeah, I know it sounds funny) going, “Rolling, in 5.0, with the rag top up so my hair can blow…”

If that copy of the cover version survived to this day, I bet Ray could make some good money for it on eBay. Or at least on YouTube.

Anyways, Vanilla Ice made it big for being the first white guy to hit it (as opposed to the black rappers of the day like Run DMC and er, MC Hammer…), and with hooks sampled from Queen and Bowie, rose dramatically, and sank equally fast after that.

Vanilla Ice and his ‘Ice Ice Baby’ lives on in those flashback shows on VH1 every week, not to mention on the receiving end of jokes by late night show comedians.

Some years ago, I heard that he grew dreadlocks and ran a motorbike shop. On the cold winter nights, when the bike shop is closed and everyone has left, I wonder if he clears the workspace, and trace back that kicking dance move as the cranked up PA system goes:

“Dum-dum-Dum-dum-duh dum-dum, Alright, stop, collaborate and listen…”

Technorati Tags: Vanilla Ice, Ice ice baby, MTV, music, Queen