Top Ten Things Overheard During Chinese New Year Dinner At Home

Published by simon on January 23, 2006

Ah, most of us will be having the Tuin Neen (year end) dinner at home this Saturday night. The veritable Chinese tradition, with lots of food and chatter. But the chatter, well, it can sometimes be more important than anything else…

Top Ten Things Overheard During Chinese New Year Dinner At Home

• “Eh, you were also born in the year of the dog, right? That makes you 36 years old this year! Or is it 48? Wah, old maid already, ah? Still no boyfriend aa?”
  (Simon says: Just say that you’re 60 but look like 24.)

• “This is the 8th yee sang dinner I’ve had so far. Last week my boss treated us to this dinner at a five star hotel - with abalone, shark fin’s soup, salmon, cod, etc. This dinner so cheap one…”
  (Simon says: to which at this point, you are entitled to give this person a tight bitch slap).

• “Wah, I tell you, price of petrol gone up, CPI index gone up, price of chicken gone up, price of fags also go up, everything also going up… except the blardy KLCI and my salary…”
  (Simon says: Not to worry. Your cholestrol level and blood pressure will most likely go up too.)

• “What did your mother say about me? Why are you all laughing?! You’re suppose to translate everything your relatives say into English for me!”
  (Simon says: This one is especially for all me mat salleh friends with Malaysian wives…)

• “Tomorrow early morning, you have to fetch my parents and me to Temerloh to see my grandmother’s step-brother, then we need to visit my rich cousin in Raub, following that we have a lunch appointment with fifth auntie in Gehbeng, afternoon we need to visit my cousins in Gambang, Chuping and Maran, and then if still got time…”
  (Simon says: Nope, I’m not from Pahang, neither am I going there…)

• “Since it’s the Year of the Dog, tomorrow I’m going to feed Fido the family pooch to some BBQ meat and Coca Cola. That poor thing is so skinny from your mother’s cooking.”
  (Simon says: “WHAT did you say about my mother’s cooking…?!…)

• “I’m sorry, but the phone and internet is down or the whole week. Why don’t you do something productibe and help my grandmother make her famous giant lanterns made out of ang pow packets?
  (Simon says: “And remember NOT to piss off grandma, she’s swears like a sailor. Remember the sparkler incident last year?…)

• “What do you mean there’s nothing to watch on TV? They going to show ‘Once Upon A Time in China II’ on TV tonight! Then there’s Alan Tam’s 1985 farewell concert!”
  (Simon says: “OMG… Somebody get me to a DVD store, soon. Or else…)

• “Eat this. It’s coagulated chicken blood mixed with fried pig’s trotters. It’s my aunt’s famous delicacy and its good for you.”
  (Simon says: “You know what? Malaysian chickens dread Chinese New Year just like American turkeys dread Thanksgiving!)

• “No, no. THAT’s my first auntie. My fourth auntie is in Australia. The other one is my cousin’s mother-in-law, but very close to my family. Her son studied in Universiti Malaya, very brilliant one you know?”
  (Simon says: But, but, but… I have my own blog! That one also quite good ma!)

Technorati Tags: Chinese, Top Ten, Chinese New Year, year of the dog

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