Top Ten Reasons From Your Boss For Not Giving A Bonus or Salary Increment “You know the effect of the rising price of titanium and unleaded petrol have on our webhosting business…” “After they paid for my new Mercedes CLK and second housing allowance, there wasn’t much money left for the executives.” “You, money isn’t everything in life…” “A donation has been made in your name to the ‘Support Anwar Foundation’”. “If you read the newly amended Employee’s Handbook clause 13A, employees are entitled for a salary review only if they have served a minimum of 12 years, or reach 54 years old, whichever comes first.” “You should be lucky…

My broadband internet connection has been extremely screwy this past two days, and my patience is running paper thin. I’ve been reduced to using dial-up, and in comparison, Jaring seems like a breeze. My service provider has been providing exceptional service in the past, but in the last one month, the service has started drop all too often, and these past two days it’s almost unusable. Some if my I’m not posting as often as I should or as CHEERFUL as I usually am, IT’S NOT MY FAULT. See?! I’ve been reduced to writing short posts…!!

Top Ten Best Advice For New Parents from Simon the Battle-scarred… Baby poo stinks. Like, don’t get any of it on you. Remember when you could sleep peacefully through the night? Well, you can say goodbye to that now… Diapers cost a lot of money. And the problem is, the cheap brands are really crap. On your baby’s one-year old birthday, the grandparents will usually buy the baby walking shoes. At the same time also ask for Nike trainers in your size. When feeding babies, never face them directly. (Can you say ‘projectile’?) Burp the baby after food. Even if it takes an hour of patting. If not, you’ll see…

Yesterday I did a post with an FAQ on the EPL. Today, for the benefit of those not well-versed in football, we look at the various positions and roles in English styled football. Most fans are familiar with these positions, even schoolkids argue to death about who-gets-to-play-where during their kick-abouts in the backyard. Goalie – The guy that stand between the sticks and gets blamed for all the goals. In actual fact, most goals are not caused by him, it’s the fault of the sun in his eyes and the linesman with muscle spasms. Centrebacks – There are two of them. They usually spend most of the match arguing with…

If you were anywhere outdoors yesterday (afternoon onwards), you’ll notice the HAZE IS BACK. Yesiree, bob, the HAZE is one of the four PERMANENT seasons of Malaysian weather. European countries have Spring, Summer, Autumn and Winter. The four seasons Malaysia experiences is Rain Like Cats & Dogs, Bloody Hot, Even Bloody Hotter and the HAZE. You know the drill, actually. Forest fire from somewhere, coupled with strong wind brings smoke and haze here. My dad says that the logging season is over and now they’re clearing the land by burning the topsoil. Whatever. Doctors say we need to stay indoors for health reasons. So what are we going to do?…

The EPL season will start soon. For those of you who hate footie, good luck surviving the media blanket the next 9 months. For who have no idea of what it’s all about, have no fear, Simon is here to explain it to you. Here’s a good guide to the intricacies of English football: Why is it called the English Premier League? Because there is only one or two English player in every team. The rest are Spanish, Latin Americans, Australians, South Koreans, French, Germans, Dutchmen and a few Scotsmen and Irishmen. That and the fact that it’s played in England. How many teams are in the EPL? Three. Manure,…

I heard there was a bloggers’ meet at the KLCC foodcourt recently. The foodcourt in question is called ‘Signatures’. The just completed the renovation a few months ago. Previously it was called Oasis. Other than changing to brighter lighting and rearranging the stalls, I can hardly see any real differences. There is still never enough seating during lunch time. And now there is even a McDonalds in the foodcourt. Cue big group of giggly after-school girls comparing ringtones. There’s another smaller foodcourt at the 4th floor. That one has an even smaller seating area, but the stalls are mainly local fare, you know, like mixed rice, sizzling noodles, kuih muih,…

Top Ten Things You Can Do to Prepare for the New EPL Season by Simon Get your team’s new jersey, all three of them – home, away and Europe (but if your team didn’t qualify for Europe, AAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAAA…..) Stock up on junk food, fizzy drinks, Maggi mee, instant coffee. Renew your subscription to FourFourTwo, Shoot, Majalah EPL and FHM (just admit it, OK?) Speculate with your friends on whether is Chelsea is going to buy Ronaldinho, Samuel Eto’o, Shevchenko, Figo, Robinho, Mojo Jojo… Get the 05/06 version of Championship Manager, FIFA, Football Manager, Winning Eleven, etc. (while you say goodbye to your girlfriend for the next 9 months) Bore your…

Okay, my blog migration is finally completed, for the time being. At most the next few weeks I will be harassing my fellow bloggers to update their links (shouldn’t take long, there aren’t many!) One reader asked me why I chose simon talks as the my blog name. Actually, I not those who are overly concerned with names in general, what matters more is your content. Just as in real life, I wouldn’t care if your name is Hunter Hearst Helmsley Chua, I’m more interested in your personality and character. But I did consult the Internet and one or two friends on the name selection. Here are some rejected names,…